There’s Nothing Wrong with Loving Who You Are

                I had to laugh to myself when I found out there is a day totally set aside for gay’s to “come out.” But alas, today (October 11^th) is that day. When I realized this it got me thinking. I am not going to make this a very long post because I have talked about this before. I just have been really bothered with people lately; the crude things they say about each other. Racism has gotten a lot better, but people are still really racist, sometimes we even say things jokingly. Sadly I am guilty of this so I can’t say I am perfect. What is wrong with us? How does making fun of someone’s skin color make us cool? Or how does talking down to women make men superior? Or how does making fun of someone’s sexual preferences make your own problems better? Who says white is the better race? Or men are better than women?                  I think the core of our problem is in each group. I like the line in Mean Girls when Tina Fey says, “You all have got to stop calling yourselves whores and b***hes, because it only makes it ok for guys to call you whores and b***hes.” It is so true!

                We are advised to be who we are, or to be ourselves. If I see anyone being the butt end of a joke I feel like I need to stand up for the under-dog. I guess my personality of this comes from elementary school; I was teased and made fun of because I did not play any sports. I would hang out with the girls, and I still would rather hang out with girls. But I want everyone to know, I would not be the person I am today without those friends. The teasing was irritating at the time, and it still is when I think about it now. But I was just being me. There is nothing wrong with me. I was just not following the crowd by playing sports or doing idiotic things with other idiotic boys. I was not following tradition.

                After recently starting Twitter I have started following a certain musical star that is vocal about bullying. I did not know how vocal he was until now. I did not realize how bullying is still a large part of our society. But he said something today that I agree with. He said, “Parents are setting examples of discrimination and inequality. Starts with the grown-ups.” I guess that is where I learned to treat others the way you would like to be treated. We need to remember this:

 Someone is watching and that’s a fact,

Someone will copy the way you act.

So make this your motto and put it to use,

Be someone’s example and not their excuse.

Kids are watching everything we do. They imitate the things we do, in word and action. If someone uses this day to “come out” in anything, not just in the way gay’s mean it. We need to act, not react. Whatever it may be, treat each person as the individual they are. A child of God.

 Dr.K

(Song: Born This Way; Artist: Lady GaGa)

Eyes Wide Shut

            I have been thinking about a few different things to write about. Most of my current ideas are pretty raw right now so I think I will go back onto an idea that I see every day. There are many examples of this idea or concept. Have you ever been put onto a situation where something bad has happened, you are a witness but you did not say anything? Let me give an example:               One day I was working when a lady told me to keep an eye on someone she was helping because he may have stolen something. Because work was so boring this was exciting, let’s catch someone doing something they shouldn’t. To make a long story short, they guy did steal a pair of shorts. The store security ended up catching the guy so I had to write a statement, so did the lady who first noticed the guy. When I told her she needed to write a statement she complained and said, “Next time I am not telling anyone anything.” So just because it was a hassle to write a statement she is going to let the next person steal. Now, I doubt she will actually do that but it is the concept that is important.

               I have heard people complaining too many times about how the world is getting worse. Well here is the reason why. Because no one wants to be a tattle-tale, but the damage you are doing when you do not turn someone in for something they have done wrong is worse than telling on them.
              Let us look at the issue that planted the seed for this idea. There is a man in power, governmental power, who runs his county any way he wants. He is doing so many bad things to innocent people. Now when I say “bad” I mean firing people from their job or getting their educational certificates taken away just because they don’t agree with the way he runs things. When the issues are brought up to government officials over him, they just look the other way. They are allowing wrong things to happen. It is just a frustration to me when people do not stop wrong things before they get too far.

Dr.K

(Song: Sleepwalker, Artist: Adam Lambert)

I posted this last night, but something happened today that really emphasizes my point. I will again make a long story short; my mother and I (my Mom works in Hell, I mean, the store with me) and she sits in the camera room and catches people stealing. Well today she caught someone, but because there was no security officer in the store she had to call a manager. Do you think this idiot did anything? I personally watched this kid tear tags off a shirt, roll it up, and stuff it in his jacket. I mean, he could not have been more obvious what he was doing. Nothing happened. I want to say, Jared you are an idiot. Not only did you allow merchandise from your store to leave without being paid for, you are allowing this kid to get away with what he is doing, so he thinks it is fine. Next time he is going to take it a little further, maybe he will break into a car, or someone’s house. It always starts as the little things. Then gets worse and worse, then people complain that there are so many bad things happening in our society. In my opinion, if you see it happening and don’t do anything about it you are an advocate. Thanks for listening to my ranting and raving.

The Reason Why I Smile

                This is a spontaneous post. I really should be doing homework but this concept just randomly shot through my thoughts. Mainly because I was listening to Avril Lavigne’s song Smile. Then as I started to write this post I had many different titles come to mind, You Found Me by Kelly Clarkson or Obsession by Sky Ferreira. The reason I have told you this is because what this idea goes along with a lot of song lyrics.

                Have you ever had a friend, or a boyfriend/girlfriend who makes you smile? Not just because they make you laugh, but they put a grin on your face. There is no reason you are sitting there smiling at this person like a fat kid at a buffet. But just the fact that they are with you puts a smile on your face. I have even found myself smiling when I think about specific friends. Not just because they are funny, or they make me laugh, but I have a smile out of gratitude for the fact that I am friends with this person. This has only happened to me a couple of times. Surprisingly it was not only a potential lover but a really good friend. When this has happened I have been caught smiling creepily and staring at someone. That usually freaks people out so be careful.

                The reasoning I thought of the title You Found Me by Kelly Clarkson was because whenever I am having a bad day or feeling a little depressed (which happens too much lately) I text or call a friend like this. Usually when I get a reply a smile breaks across my face. I can’t help it. I could not sit here and tell you exactly what it is that causes me to react like this. You might be sitting there telling me that I have a crush on this individual. But I will tell you that’s not it because I have done this with people I am not attracted to, if you are smelling what I am stepping in. I hope your picking what I am putting down.

                Now the reason I was thinking about the title of Obsession by Sky Ferreira is because when this does happen with a crush, and I know you agree with me, you want that person to become obsessed with you. Don’t deny the fact that you are a crazy person and you want to be loved. Wait, we all want that too. And when you become nearly obsessed with this person you want the same in return. For example; I am seriously in love with Kelly Clarkson and I want the same obsession in return. Ok I am kidding but kind of serious at the same time.

                The reason I chose the title of The Reason Why I Smile is because it is from the song that gave me this idea. And it lays it out beautifully. I want to know what makes you smile with your friends, crush, or significant other. I will start: My friend John Tanner, I smile because he and I are total opposites, but totally alike at the same time. He does not care what anyone else says or thinks about him, he is a true individual. Which is something I love in people.  Kaitlin McKinlay makes me smile because of the kind love she shares with everyone, even random strangers (even the BUM’s on the street that propose her). There are not enough loving people in this world anymore.  Allysann McKinlay makes me smile because of all the funny things we have done together in the past, present, and even things we have yet to so together. It is always nice to have a friend who will push you out of an airplane for fun. Danielle McKinlay makes me smile because of our secret romance we have had since I was 12. You were my first love. Jeff Otero makes me smile because he is someone you can talk to and no matter what he says to you, you always leave the conversation a happier person. He is just magic that way. Becca Lindsay makes me smile because she is always a genuinely happy person, her happiness is contagious. We need a lot more contagious happiness in our lives. Kelsi Webb makes me smile because she makes a great effort to make sure everyone around her is content. She is full of inspirational thoughts and she does a great job cutting my hair. Kelsi, you are totally awesome! Torie Wake makes me smile because although all of the hard trials she has had recently in her life she laughs at everything. Literally, everything. Her smile just makes you smile too. Jenna Shirley makes me smile because of how honest she is. If I am doing something she does not approve of, she will make sure I know it, and then we laugh about it. Then we laugh about everyone around us too. Meaghan Morris makes me smile because of how caring she is. She makes sure everyone is included in everything. Not a single person is left out when Meaghan is around. Emily Norell makes me smile because she is one of the funniest people I know in this life. Whenever I need a good laugh, I think of things we did as dumb kids and that always puts me in a slap-happy mood. Reed Nelson makes me smile because he is always there for me when I need someone to talk to, even when I am in the most bitter of moods. Thanks Reed, for taking in my negativity and making it positive. Josh Garcia makes me smile because it does not matter how deeply depressed I am, or angry I am, he always lightens the mood and gets me joking and my mood ALWAYS makes a total 360. I don’t know how he does it but that is what happens. Joseph Latham makes me smile because he is always right. The only time he is wrong is when he is sexist. I smile because he was my best friend while I was in California. Miss T makes me smile because we started this bog together but I am the only one who writes on it. But she is a friend for me always. I could be the most hated person on the planet and she would be right there by my side, being hated along with me.

                I know I have named a lot of people here, but I also know I have not named everyone. All of my friends have made me smile. Spontaneous smiles are my favorite. I want to know who makes you smile!

Dr.K

(Song: Smile, Artist: Avril Lavigne)

It Starts With One

I have been thinking about this post for a few weeks. I have not had time sit down and write, but I have had lots of time to think. It all started a few weeks ago when the day could not possibly go right. I worked 11 hours straight, with an hour drive from my parent’s house, and another hour drive back home that night. So for 13 hours I had to deal with annoying customers, angry drivers and innocent animals in the middle of the road. While on my drive home that night I was thinking about something a friend told me; he said, “Something interesting about the scriptures is the different perspectives.” I was thinking about this when the song You Are Loved by Josh Groban began to play on my iPod. I sat there and had to let my thoughts mix together. Every person around me is going through something, whether they have had a bad day, a friend pass away, a breakup, maybe a surprise party. Whatever it is, everyone’s perspective and moods are different. This also makes everyone’s choices different according to their experiences and the events in their life.

                I have met a lot of people who have made poor decisions in their life, or what I believe to be poor decisions. At this point I have a crossroad, should I judge the person on their poor decision? Or should I try to help them out of the situation they are in? This is kind of an extreme example. Here is something that happened with my nephew, he is 5, he has been taught that smoking is bad for you; one day he was in the car with my sister and he saw someone smoking, he said, “Mom, that’s a bad man.” She had to correct him and say, “No, he is not a bad man.” My nephew is a simple example of judgment. How innocent it is for him, but the issue is if he grows up not being corrected the judgment only gets worse.

                In the society that I live in people are judged harshly on their outer appearances. Now I am not talking about how attractive they are or anything like that. What I am saying is if there is someone with a tattoo, body piercing, or even crazy hair styles people point and scoff at them. If someone does not fit the “Mormon” style they are almost considered an outcast. People have experienced different things, they may not believe what you believe but that does not make them a bad person. You should feel lucky that you have the beliefs you do, not hold yourself higher than them because of it.

                The main point of what I am trying to say is, you don’t know what people are struggling with, you don’t know what they have experienced in life and you don’t know what kind of person they are from the outside. I have a friend I met a few days ago. We actually have been chatting and texting for a while. We hung out a few nights ago. I consider this individual a BEST friend, just because we have been chatting and joking for so long. The thing that I love about this is he is someone I would have avoided. He has a tattoo on his left arm, piercings in his ears, and just seems a little wilder than I am. (Yes I know these are my judgments.) The thing is we have a lot of fun when we hang out. I would have let his physical appearances stop me from making an awesome friendship.

                Like I said before, I have been thinking about this for a while, and because of that I have tried it out. I have tried really hard not to make quick judgments about anyone. I feel free, I feel like talking to everyone has become simpler. If I start to judge someone in my head, I quickly try to think of something positive about the person, and then I tell them. It is always good to hear a compliment even if it is from a stranger. This world is too negative, we need to bring in more positive feelings, and judgment is not a positive feeling. Let the positive start with you.

Dr.K

(Song: Starts with One; Artist: Shiny Toy Guns)

It’s The Choices That Make Us Who We Are

                For a few months I have been thinking about this post. Mainly because it is a touchy subject among many people and I had to make a choice of I wanted to say. With having said that I want you, the reader, to have a neutral thought as you read this post. Because I have thought about it for so long I have become a little passionate about the thoughts here:
               As long as I can remember, my mother has always had the thought (which was ingrained in me since I was little) that you need to do unto other as you would want them to do to you. Whenever my siblings and I would fight and hurt each other she would always say; “would you want them doing that to you? Put yourself in their shoes.” And that is something I have lived by for as long as I can remember. Put yourself in their shoes.
       I was talking with a friend of mine at work, and this subject came up. My friend is getting married in November; she has 10 bridesmaids and 1 man of honor. I had to think about that for a second… a man of honor? So I asked her about that. Her best friend is gay, and she wanted him in her wedding. That is different for me but it should be interesting. Later I asked her how long she has known her friend was gay. What she told me is that he has the personality that was obvious to people in high school but he did not actually tell anyone until after he graduated. During high school he was made fun of and scrutinized for the assumption of others. I am not one to sit here and tell you that you need to accept gay people, but have a respect for them. They have different struggles in life and they are dealing with them. I don’t see people out saying they hate alcoholics, so why do ‘normal’ people hate gay people? I will tell you why, because for a lot of people it is out of the norm or it is gross to them, but for the majority of them that hate gay people, it’s because of their religion. In Utah that is a large reason why. But I have studied my religion and I can tell you it does NOT say anywhere that we need to hate gays. What it says is that it is not in accordance with God’s laws. But it does NOT say you are to hate them. Put yourself in their shoes.

                I have never had a real opinion on this subject until I lived in California. I guess you can say my views were changes in a liberal way. I was living there during proposition 8. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is the proposition to legalize gay marriage. I have heard fighting words from both sides of the conflict. I was one who would have voted yes on proposition 8 (yes meaning yes make gay marriage illegal) but my reasons are personal and I will keep them to myself. But because I picked a side I don’t want anyone to think I did not hear both sides of the argument. And when I made my decision I had to put myself in the shoes of both sides of the proposition. I understand both pleas, but my decision is solid.

                At work yesterday, through all my busy-ness, I happened to notice two guys come into the store. With the way they were acting I could tell they felt a little uncomfortable I still greeted them and the woman they were with. As I helped them the realization that this was a gay couple became prominent really quick. Here they are in Provo Utah; I can understand why they seemed a little uncomfortable. I still helped them and treated them like any customer. If anything I treated them better than any customer to make up for the harshness of others around.  They returned the friendliness, and it was not the flirting kind. A lot of guys are freaked out when a gay guy hits on them, but all you have to do is kindly tell them that you don’t swing that way and it does not have to be awkward at all. After these guys left I was talking with Logan, a guy I work with, and whenever we notice something out of the norm we tell each other. And I asked if he could tell the sexuality of the guys I was helping. He said yes, and then he said, “I don’t agree with the way they are living their life, but I have to say that gay people are some of the most kind people you will ever meet.” And I have to agree with him.

                The idea of making this post started after I read a friends blog. My friend was openly gay before he joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (The Mormon church). Since he joined life has been interesting. I want him to know that he is one of the greatest people I know. Once you read his blog, you can’t help but agree with me. He told me about his blog just after I started the Bitter Critic and I have been hooked on every post ever since. Since reading the blog it has made it easier to put myself in his shoes. I can see how he struggles in his life, how he tries to do what he is asked while he has such a strong temptation to go away from his newly grown faith in Christ. I recommend everyone clicking on the link at the bottom of this post and read his blog, starting at the oldest post first (that post is January 2, 2011). It will make sense if you read it that way.

                I am always thinking about what life would be like in someone else’s shoes. The most common type of person is someone who is rich and has just about everything, and also another common one is living the life with the temptations of a homosexual. I think that people don’t have to agree with what they are doing, but have some respect for them as a human being. I wrote about a similar thing in my post titled; If you’re a Strong Female You Don’t Need Permission. I try to have respect for others around me. Remember to put yourself in their shoes…

Dr.K

(Song: Unwinding Cable Car, Artist: Anberlin)

The Liberty Crusades: Genesis, Part One...:

It’s Always All about You

I had an epiphany this evening at work. The store was closing and I was counting registers when a guy comes in and asks for me to help him find a power tie. (I work in the dress shirts and tie department) so we walk around trying to find a tie to fit the description he was looking for. After that he wanted a tie pin, he like 5 of them so he purchased all 5. He also needed a white shirt. So he bought 2 of them (I had to take his measurements; neck and arms. During the measuring I could smell alcohol on him). Also he got a sports jacket for him and his friend. Then he needed shoes. So he looked and got a pair of shoes. After that he wanted something casual to wear around the pool, so I picked that out too. His friend got a sports jacket and a tie. His total purchase came to over $1000 and he was acting like that was chump change.

                The realization I came to was how I never wanted to be like that. Humility was not his strong point at all. He was very friendly, but he was acting like he was better than everyone else. Money is not something he worried about. As I was helping him he introduced me to his body guard who was packing heat (he had a gun). Not sure why he told me this, I could have cared less. All I wanted was for him to keep his distance. (For some reason buzzed or drunk people like to invade my bubble) after all was found, purchased, and then they were finally were leaving the store. I walked them out and it was very strange to see how everyone who was with this guy was circled around him walking him out. They treated him like royalty.

                On my way home I was really energetic because of the AMAZING sale I had done that day (just to give you an idea, I am supposed to make about $900 a day in my department. That’s for the whole day, so this 20 minute shopper was a good sale). But as I was thinking about him, I thought; “I never want to be like that.”

                There is another customer we had in the store just a few days before, a man by the name of Jeffery Holland. He was friendly with everyone, just like this other guy, but the difference in the way they presented themselves is like night and day. This guy was swearing and throwing around his authority. But Elder Holland on the other hand was respectful of the people around him, and he was humble about the responsibilities he has been given. This other individual was boastful about his duties and the things he has done in life.

                I have talked about vanity before, and it is something that might kill me. But after comparing the two tonight, Elder Holland is the best good example, and this other guy is the fear of what I might become. Perhaps this was a warning sign from God to show me what could happen to me if I continue in the prideful way I have been viewing myself.

Dr.K

(Song: Dignity, Artist: Hilary Duff)

I Can’t Sing the Blues Anymore

After returning home from California I came back to a few of my friends getting married. That’s not a problem for me, I am really happy for them that they are progressing through life. For me, I am going to take my time; first of all I am not fond of kids. I like my nieces and nephews but after about 20 minutes I want to barricade myself in my room and have my own personal time. Another thing that is making me stray away from marriage early in my life is I am in a selfish time in my life. I was talking with a girl I work with about life. She was amazed when I told her my first concert was Thirty Seconds to Marz about a year ago. She was also amazed that in my entire life I have only been to one house party… and even then I only stayed like 5 minutes. Needless to say she told me that I should date a lot of girls and experience life before I settle down, otherwise I will want to do it after I am married.

                Thinking about this I have decided that she is somewhat right. I have not really done anything in life. I don’t have cool stories of partying it up on the beach with my closest friends. Or a cool road trip I took right after high school. I don’t even have a first kiss story. My life is kind of pathetic. So as I watch my friends go off and have fun being married, I sit at home like an old maid and read novels or clean my room or watch movies. What a great life for me. Kristen is right, I need to get out and experience life.

                Since I have been home, after living in California, I have had a stagnant life. No progression. I have worked my butt of eating till it hurts and working out so I can get a good physique, has it paid off? Kind of, I have asked out a few girls but for some reason I find the girls who are not reliable at all. The only thing I have accomplished while living with my parents is my generals are almost finished in school, and I have read a few good books. That is all I have to show for anything? Then I have friends who call me and we talk forever about how great their life is and when it comes to me I complain. Then they roll their eyes and say, “It will all get better soon!” and that’s the end of it. The frequency of my conversations with friends have dwindled because I don’t want to be “The Complainer.” This has burned more bridges than I wanted. And now here I am complaining about my life, again, on the blog. The whole reason I started this thing was to complain about the world, and throw in some sarcastic things about dumb people. Maybe I will try that again in the future.

                To those friends who are married and reading this; Your all still my best friends, you are at a different point in your life, don’t look down on me for not progressing as fast as you. To my friends who are not married but out enjoying life like a college student near graduation should; please don’t feel pity on me because you were here once. All I want is a good friend to vent to every once in a while. Most people will talk to an older brother or sister about things like this. My sister and I will talk but she gives me the same responses that my mom would give. Its good information, but sometimes moms answers are not the ones you want to hear. My older brother and I have not had a real conversation in years, and both my younger siblings do not care for me at all. With bridges I have been burning with friends and a family that despises me, my emotions and issues have been getting stacked on top of each other layer by layer. I have now reached a point in my life I never wanted to return to. I am imploding on myself, talking to an imaginary person over the computer (this blog).

                I need a break. I need a break from caring when a good friend ditched me and did OUR traditions without me. I need a break from worrying about finding a girlfriend who will potentially be my wife. I need a break from the stress of being a perfect person. I need a break from all the worries of finishing school before I am too old. I need a break from this life that I am puttering through.

Dr.K

(Song: You Can Close Your Eyes, Artist: Brooke Fraser feat. William Fitzsimmons)