It Starts With One

I have been thinking about this post for a few weeks. I have not had time sit down and write, but I have had lots of time to think. It all started a few weeks ago when the day could not possibly go right. I worked 11 hours straight, with an hour drive from my parent’s house, and another hour drive back home that night. So for 13 hours I had to deal with annoying customers, angry drivers and innocent animals in the middle of the road. While on my drive home that night I was thinking about something a friend told me; he said, “Something interesting about the scriptures is the different perspectives.” I was thinking about this when the song You Are Loved by Josh Groban began to play on my iPod. I sat there and had to let my thoughts mix together. Every person around me is going through something, whether they have had a bad day, a friend pass away, a breakup, maybe a surprise party. Whatever it is, everyone’s perspective and moods are different. This also makes everyone’s choices different according to their experiences and the events in their life.

                I have met a lot of people who have made poor decisions in their life, or what I believe to be poor decisions. At this point I have a crossroad, should I judge the person on their poor decision? Or should I try to help them out of the situation they are in? This is kind of an extreme example. Here is something that happened with my nephew, he is 5, he has been taught that smoking is bad for you; one day he was in the car with my sister and he saw someone smoking, he said, “Mom, that’s a bad man.” She had to correct him and say, “No, he is not a bad man.” My nephew is a simple example of judgment. How innocent it is for him, but the issue is if he grows up not being corrected the judgment only gets worse.

                In the society that I live in people are judged harshly on their outer appearances. Now I am not talking about how attractive they are or anything like that. What I am saying is if there is someone with a tattoo, body piercing, or even crazy hair styles people point and scoff at them. If someone does not fit the “Mormon” style they are almost considered an outcast. People have experienced different things, they may not believe what you believe but that does not make them a bad person. You should feel lucky that you have the beliefs you do, not hold yourself higher than them because of it.

                The main point of what I am trying to say is, you don’t know what people are struggling with, you don’t know what they have experienced in life and you don’t know what kind of person they are from the outside. I have a friend I met a few days ago. We actually have been chatting and texting for a while. We hung out a few nights ago. I consider this individual a BEST friend, just because we have been chatting and joking for so long. The thing that I love about this is he is someone I would have avoided. He has a tattoo on his left arm, piercings in his ears, and just seems a little wilder than I am. (Yes I know these are my judgments.) The thing is we have a lot of fun when we hang out. I would have let his physical appearances stop me from making an awesome friendship.

                Like I said before, I have been thinking about this for a while, and because of that I have tried it out. I have tried really hard not to make quick judgments about anyone. I feel free, I feel like talking to everyone has become simpler. If I start to judge someone in my head, I quickly try to think of something positive about the person, and then I tell them. It is always good to hear a compliment even if it is from a stranger. This world is too negative, we need to bring in more positive feelings, and judgment is not a positive feeling. Let the positive start with you.

Dr.K

(Song: Starts with One; Artist: Shiny Toy Guns)

It’s The Choices That Make Us Who We Are

                For a few months I have been thinking about this post. Mainly because it is a touchy subject among many people and I had to make a choice of I wanted to say. With having said that I want you, the reader, to have a neutral thought as you read this post. Because I have thought about it for so long I have become a little passionate about the thoughts here:
               As long as I can remember, my mother has always had the thought (which was ingrained in me since I was little) that you need to do unto other as you would want them to do to you. Whenever my siblings and I would fight and hurt each other she would always say; “would you want them doing that to you? Put yourself in their shoes.” And that is something I have lived by for as long as I can remember. Put yourself in their shoes.
       I was talking with a friend of mine at work, and this subject came up. My friend is getting married in November; she has 10 bridesmaids and 1 man of honor. I had to think about that for a second… a man of honor? So I asked her about that. Her best friend is gay, and she wanted him in her wedding. That is different for me but it should be interesting. Later I asked her how long she has known her friend was gay. What she told me is that he has the personality that was obvious to people in high school but he did not actually tell anyone until after he graduated. During high school he was made fun of and scrutinized for the assumption of others. I am not one to sit here and tell you that you need to accept gay people, but have a respect for them. They have different struggles in life and they are dealing with them. I don’t see people out saying they hate alcoholics, so why do ‘normal’ people hate gay people? I will tell you why, because for a lot of people it is out of the norm or it is gross to them, but for the majority of them that hate gay people, it’s because of their religion. In Utah that is a large reason why. But I have studied my religion and I can tell you it does NOT say anywhere that we need to hate gays. What it says is that it is not in accordance with God’s laws. But it does NOT say you are to hate them. Put yourself in their shoes.

                I have never had a real opinion on this subject until I lived in California. I guess you can say my views were changes in a liberal way. I was living there during proposition 8. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is the proposition to legalize gay marriage. I have heard fighting words from both sides of the conflict. I was one who would have voted yes on proposition 8 (yes meaning yes make gay marriage illegal) but my reasons are personal and I will keep them to myself. But because I picked a side I don’t want anyone to think I did not hear both sides of the argument. And when I made my decision I had to put myself in the shoes of both sides of the proposition. I understand both pleas, but my decision is solid.

                At work yesterday, through all my busy-ness, I happened to notice two guys come into the store. With the way they were acting I could tell they felt a little uncomfortable I still greeted them and the woman they were with. As I helped them the realization that this was a gay couple became prominent really quick. Here they are in Provo Utah; I can understand why they seemed a little uncomfortable. I still helped them and treated them like any customer. If anything I treated them better than any customer to make up for the harshness of others around.  They returned the friendliness, and it was not the flirting kind. A lot of guys are freaked out when a gay guy hits on them, but all you have to do is kindly tell them that you don’t swing that way and it does not have to be awkward at all. After these guys left I was talking with Logan, a guy I work with, and whenever we notice something out of the norm we tell each other. And I asked if he could tell the sexuality of the guys I was helping. He said yes, and then he said, “I don’t agree with the way they are living their life, but I have to say that gay people are some of the most kind people you will ever meet.” And I have to agree with him.

                The idea of making this post started after I read a friends blog. My friend was openly gay before he joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (The Mormon church). Since he joined life has been interesting. I want him to know that he is one of the greatest people I know. Once you read his blog, you can’t help but agree with me. He told me about his blog just after I started the Bitter Critic and I have been hooked on every post ever since. Since reading the blog it has made it easier to put myself in his shoes. I can see how he struggles in his life, how he tries to do what he is asked while he has such a strong temptation to go away from his newly grown faith in Christ. I recommend everyone clicking on the link at the bottom of this post and read his blog, starting at the oldest post first (that post is January 2, 2011). It will make sense if you read it that way.

                I am always thinking about what life would be like in someone else’s shoes. The most common type of person is someone who is rich and has just about everything, and also another common one is living the life with the temptations of a homosexual. I think that people don’t have to agree with what they are doing, but have some respect for them as a human being. I wrote about a similar thing in my post titled; If you’re a Strong Female You Don’t Need Permission. I try to have respect for others around me. Remember to put yourself in their shoes…

Dr.K

(Song: Unwinding Cable Car, Artist: Anberlin)

The Liberty Crusades: Genesis, Part One...:

It’s Always All about You

I had an epiphany this evening at work. The store was closing and I was counting registers when a guy comes in and asks for me to help him find a power tie. (I work in the dress shirts and tie department) so we walk around trying to find a tie to fit the description he was looking for. After that he wanted a tie pin, he like 5 of them so he purchased all 5. He also needed a white shirt. So he bought 2 of them (I had to take his measurements; neck and arms. During the measuring I could smell alcohol on him). Also he got a sports jacket for him and his friend. Then he needed shoes. So he looked and got a pair of shoes. After that he wanted something casual to wear around the pool, so I picked that out too. His friend got a sports jacket and a tie. His total purchase came to over $1000 and he was acting like that was chump change.

                The realization I came to was how I never wanted to be like that. Humility was not his strong point at all. He was very friendly, but he was acting like he was better than everyone else. Money is not something he worried about. As I was helping him he introduced me to his body guard who was packing heat (he had a gun). Not sure why he told me this, I could have cared less. All I wanted was for him to keep his distance. (For some reason buzzed or drunk people like to invade my bubble) after all was found, purchased, and then they were finally were leaving the store. I walked them out and it was very strange to see how everyone who was with this guy was circled around him walking him out. They treated him like royalty.

                On my way home I was really energetic because of the AMAZING sale I had done that day (just to give you an idea, I am supposed to make about $900 a day in my department. That’s for the whole day, so this 20 minute shopper was a good sale). But as I was thinking about him, I thought; “I never want to be like that.”

                There is another customer we had in the store just a few days before, a man by the name of Jeffery Holland. He was friendly with everyone, just like this other guy, but the difference in the way they presented themselves is like night and day. This guy was swearing and throwing around his authority. But Elder Holland on the other hand was respectful of the people around him, and he was humble about the responsibilities he has been given. This other individual was boastful about his duties and the things he has done in life.

                I have talked about vanity before, and it is something that might kill me. But after comparing the two tonight, Elder Holland is the best good example, and this other guy is the fear of what I might become. Perhaps this was a warning sign from God to show me what could happen to me if I continue in the prideful way I have been viewing myself.

Dr.K

(Song: Dignity, Artist: Hilary Duff)

I Can’t Sing the Blues Anymore

After returning home from California I came back to a few of my friends getting married. That’s not a problem for me, I am really happy for them that they are progressing through life. For me, I am going to take my time; first of all I am not fond of kids. I like my nieces and nephews but after about 20 minutes I want to barricade myself in my room and have my own personal time. Another thing that is making me stray away from marriage early in my life is I am in a selfish time in my life. I was talking with a girl I work with about life. She was amazed when I told her my first concert was Thirty Seconds to Marz about a year ago. She was also amazed that in my entire life I have only been to one house party… and even then I only stayed like 5 minutes. Needless to say she told me that I should date a lot of girls and experience life before I settle down, otherwise I will want to do it after I am married.

                Thinking about this I have decided that she is somewhat right. I have not really done anything in life. I don’t have cool stories of partying it up on the beach with my closest friends. Or a cool road trip I took right after high school. I don’t even have a first kiss story. My life is kind of pathetic. So as I watch my friends go off and have fun being married, I sit at home like an old maid and read novels or clean my room or watch movies. What a great life for me. Kristen is right, I need to get out and experience life.

                Since I have been home, after living in California, I have had a stagnant life. No progression. I have worked my butt of eating till it hurts and working out so I can get a good physique, has it paid off? Kind of, I have asked out a few girls but for some reason I find the girls who are not reliable at all. The only thing I have accomplished while living with my parents is my generals are almost finished in school, and I have read a few good books. That is all I have to show for anything? Then I have friends who call me and we talk forever about how great their life is and when it comes to me I complain. Then they roll their eyes and say, “It will all get better soon!” and that’s the end of it. The frequency of my conversations with friends have dwindled because I don’t want to be “The Complainer.” This has burned more bridges than I wanted. And now here I am complaining about my life, again, on the blog. The whole reason I started this thing was to complain about the world, and throw in some sarcastic things about dumb people. Maybe I will try that again in the future.

                To those friends who are married and reading this; Your all still my best friends, you are at a different point in your life, don’t look down on me for not progressing as fast as you. To my friends who are not married but out enjoying life like a college student near graduation should; please don’t feel pity on me because you were here once. All I want is a good friend to vent to every once in a while. Most people will talk to an older brother or sister about things like this. My sister and I will talk but she gives me the same responses that my mom would give. Its good information, but sometimes moms answers are not the ones you want to hear. My older brother and I have not had a real conversation in years, and both my younger siblings do not care for me at all. With bridges I have been burning with friends and a family that despises me, my emotions and issues have been getting stacked on top of each other layer by layer. I have now reached a point in my life I never wanted to return to. I am imploding on myself, talking to an imaginary person over the computer (this blog).

                I need a break. I need a break from caring when a good friend ditched me and did OUR traditions without me. I need a break from worrying about finding a girlfriend who will potentially be my wife. I need a break from the stress of being a perfect person. I need a break from all the worries of finishing school before I am too old. I need a break from this life that I am puttering through.

Dr.K

(Song: You Can Close Your Eyes, Artist: Brooke Fraser feat. William Fitzsimmons)

What’s a Dad For Dad?

There is a Man in my life who I love, that is my father. Today is Father’s Day, but I will not be talking about my own father. The man I have decided to give a shout out to is someone I met while I was living in California. There are many qualities that he has that I would like to develop. This man I am talking about is Paul Andrus. I lived near him for about 7 ½ months. I had dinner with him and his family a few times and I have a special place for them in my life. Paul is a single father of two great kids and he does everything he possibly can to care for those children.

                When life gives you lemons, make Lemonade. That is the best way I can describe Paul. The care of his kids is not a simple task when the younger of the two has had many surgeries and is in need of care most of the day. He has put off a lot of his passions and desires to care for his family. The best thing a father can give his family is his time. Paul is a man who gives of his time although he has no time to give. He is and will always remain a role model in my life.  

                I know this post is small, but elaborating on this would just ruin the simple truth. Paul, you are a wonderful father and will always have my respect and love.

Dr.K

(Song: Life of a Salesman, Artist: Yellowcard)

If you’re a Strong Female, You Don’t Need Permission

There is a problem in our society. The other day it drove me to get a little more vocal at my job. The place where I work there is a manager that likes to micro-manage the other managers under him; Mostly the female managers, and since the manager in my department is the only female over a specific department he likes to pick on her. Let’s call this tyrant Jake, now I will give you a little back ground on Jake; since my first day at this job I have noticed that he treats the female employees a little different, nothing too bad. He just acts like they are beneath him. Heaven forbid he actually takes advice from a woman either. I am surprised this guy ever got married, his poor wife.

                Since Jake likes to tell us what to do when my manager is not in the store I usually just ignore him and clear whatever he told us to do through the real manager. One day he came back to our department and told us to do something that was actually a very dumb idea, so the other employee and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. After he left we just went back to our regular work and cleared it through our manager later. She told us to continue doing things the way we had been doing them. Later that day he apologized for undermining her and her department. The next day around 8 in the morning, I had been at work for about an hour and was eating breakfast; he came back and said, “The coffee is empty again. I talked to you about this nicely yesterday…” and I just looked at him and said, “I will take care of it. I am eating right now, I’ll do it when I am done.” I guess that bothered him that I did not do what he wanted me to do when he wanted me to do it. So he started getting mad. Not too many people know this about me, but when my adrenaline gets going it is hard for me to stop. But at this point my adrenaline did not hit me like a ton of bricks like normal. It just slowly leaked through my veins. And I started talking back, who is this guy telling me what to do? I was annoyed with the fact that although he apologized to my manager for undermining her now here he was the next day doing it again. I got heated in my conversation. I was not quiet. I am sick and tired of this guy treating a person I respect like trash. I got to say things I felt like needed to be said, unfortunately when my manager came in a few hours later, he yelled at her for me standing up to him. It made me a lot angrier and this got me thinking about how a lot of women in the world are treated this way more than I realize.

                I have laughed at sexist jokes before, and I have retold them too. But I don’t actually believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, unless she wants to be there. It bothers me that if a woman and a man have the same job, the woman gets paid less. She is probably just as good as or better than the guy at her job. But somehow society gets away with paying her less. This is all political, but what really gets underneath my skin is when a man treats his wife with disrespect; A man who subconsciously thinks that a woman is a lower race or a man who commands his wife like she is a slave.

I remember watching a television show once where a woman actually believed that because Eve partook of the forbidden fruit first and persuaded Adam to eat too, Eve was lower than Adam. This is 100% false. Any religion who teaches that the woman is to slave away for her husband is wrong. I have studied a lot about the role of men and women lately, and I want all women to know that God loves women just as much as he loves men. It is sick to me to know that men are brainwashing their wives and daughters to believe that they are the lower gender. Neither is lower, both are equal.

I think Jake climbed a tree and found something hidden under the leaves when he decided to undermine my manager again. All women in that work place have been treated like trash by this guy and I thought it was about time to say something. Later that day I had several people say “Thank You” or cheered for me in some way. One lady even gave me a high-five because I stood up to the tyrant. My intentions were not to be a pest, but I wanted him to know that he needed to respect all people there. It has been a few weeks since that day, and I have not heard him bother my manager in any way. But now I have quit, so we will see if he continues his degrading actions after I leave.

Dr.K

(Song: Sheiβe, Artist: Lady GaGa)

Don’t Live a Lie This Is Your One Life

                Lately I have been thinking a lot about the new Lady GaGa cd because I like her music. Each time she is interviewed I watch the interview. Every time she is talked about in the news my ears perk up, and when she is on the cover of a magazine my eyes are drawn to it. One reason I like her is because she is a perfect example of sticking it to the man. Let me explain; I did not like middle school or high school, I was kind of an outcast. My close friends would not think so, but I was. I have always been the type of person who does what he is told. My parents said, “You are going to church.” And I would go. My friends would say, “That’s not cool.” And I would think it wasn’t cool either. Many people would say I am a follower, but I am not. I did not go along with everything my friends said. I stood up for the things I believed in when I found it necessary, and I lost friends because I did not do what they said. My point is, although I allowed myself to be molded by my surroundings, I still have a brain.

                I have an entire playlist on my iPod called You. Are. Awesome. I usually listen to this playlist when I am having a bad day or if I am little depressed. One day I decided to listen to it although I was in a really good mood. While listening I realized that a large number of the songs were about being who you are and who cares what people think, also the songs were about not letting anyone change you. As I thought about it I looked at myself and thought, “Am I who I am?” and it turns out… yes I am. Although I let things get to me and I try to change myself to fit standards that are around me, I am happy with the way I have allowed myself to be molded.

                I was talking with my Mom the other day about influential people. The #3 most influential person is Justin Bieber. I laughed when I heard that, he is really obnoxious. But I had to think about it, I guess he is a perfect example of following your dreams. I mean, I could just start videoing myself singing and pray that Usher or Simon Cowell see’s my video at some point right? I can kind of see it, but I still roll my eyes at the fact that he is an influential person. The #2 person actually shocked me, Oprah. Why is Oprah second? If anything I think she has done so much for so many people. I would have loved to win a car in her audience. I would have even loved seeing her interview someone boring because I am sure just being in her audience is mesmerizing. The #1 person was a shocker to me, Lady GaGa. I do like her a lot, and I do like that she feels like she can be whatever she wants to be. I would love to be an alien one day and a top model the next. My life would be my favorite holiday, Halloween. With the results of this I had to think about it too. Her next album is called Born This Way. Out of the few songs I have heard it sounds like her struggles with being accepted. She just wants to be something she wants you to love. She has stuck it to all those girls who made fun of her in school, she has showed the world that it does not matter how different you are, people will still love you. I think it is cool, but not influential to me.

                I don’t care what people do with their lives. As long as they don’t try to force their actions on me or try to persuade me to alter my beliefs, I usually am alright. I have a lot of friends who I don’t agree with the way they live their lives, but I love them anyways. I have family who does not live the way I want them to, but I love them anyways. The reason I am doing this post is because I would like to add my voice to all those out there who have said “Be who you want to be.” I agree. I am a person who follows the law, I have always followed the rules and I am still happy with the person I am today. Even with all my insecurities, I am still a happy person. You do not have to be unique to be the person you want to be.

P.S. Oprah, I will miss the time we had together. All the fake tears I shed while watching your show. And I will miss the times that you changed my life in the most disturbing ways. All I can say is, I guess I will watch the Oprah Winfrey Network if I want a nostalgic moment.

Dr.K

(Song: Liberty Walk, Artist: Miley Cyrus)