I'm Just a Holy Fool

          Over the last few days I have been thinking about all the weird quirky things I do. All the things I find annoying about myself and ways that I think I am hilarious. I have had many depressing posts in the past and I realized I was a very depressed and negative person. So I have been trying to revamp my life and be more positive. I realized I cannot control everything that goes on but I can control how I react to it. Honestly I have to give thanks to one of my idols, Tina Fey, watching her television show 30 Rock has shown me that everyone has strange moments in their life.

          In one episode I remember Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) came home to find the producer of her TV show doing the dirty with his wife in her bed. She walks in the room disgusted and says “AWW man, serious? I eat in there.” Well that is something I do a lot. Actually I eat every meal at home in my bed. Mainly because my apartment was lived in by the world’s most gross hoboes. I have to walk around on the carpet with socks because if I don’t the nasty black carpet turns my feet black and eventually turns the bathtub black, my sheets black, and even turns my white shoes black (I don’t own a pair of white shoes, but if I did the carpet would turn the black). So there is a funny thing I do, but seriously my apartment smells like someone had a 100 year long orgy in here. It smells worse than a locker room after a football game. I lock myself in my room and waste my cologne spraying it everywhere trying to get the smell out.

          For those who are close to me know that I don’t really want kids. Not that I don’t like kids (I say I don’t like kids but it’s mostly the fact that I don’t want my own). I am not sure where this all came from. I like my nieces and nephews and sometimes other kids. But most of the time I roll my eyes at kids and make fun of them. So basically I am the devil according to young parents and grandparents. I tell people at work that when I babysit my nephews I put them to bed at like 3. “Ok Haydyn and Brodie, your mom and dad have been gone for 10 minutes, time for bed.” I usually say it like they are barely able to understand me. But then Hayden will be like “Uh, no. my mom said I can stay up until they get home.” Then I say to him “When you get such a big vocabulary?” he is 6 almost 7. I don’t know where he learned these things so fast, shouldn’t he still be saying “goo goo gaga.” Oh well, my friends at work think I am the worst uncle. Especially because Brodie gets shy around me when he hasn’t seen me in a while. So they will say things like “Oh see, he doesn’t like you because you make him go to bed at 3 PM.” But the kid is 2, he doesn’t know the difference in time.

          I have a bad problem in my subconscious. It is so deep in my personality that it was not an easy thing to realize but I found it, especially when I had Mission companions get mad at me for being rude. This is something else that I feel I can relate to Liz Lemon in 30 Rock. There is an episode in the second season where Liz decides to go to a class reunion. After a long deliberation she is talked into it. She was hesitant because she was made fun in high school. When she gets to the reunion she soon learns that she was the bully in high school saying snide, rude comments to the “cool” classmates. Now I feel like I am like this because like I said, I have issues. I tend to really hate people with preppy happy personalities, well I guess not preppy, but too happy that is doesn’t seem genuine. I usually stare at them and smile, but in my head I think “Please someone kill her/him… or me!” But the really bad thing is when I encounter someone who thinks very highly of themselves. My biggest problem I have with anything in life is when someone is arrogant and cocky. Early in life I thought it was just me being annoyed of it, but I hate it so bad that it entered into my subconscious and I developed a serial killer attitude toward arrogance. I feel it is a horrible attribute and it should be destroyed from anyone’s personality. That being said…

          I had a companion on my Mission who was the definition of arrogance. If you looked up the name in the dictionary his was one of the many pictures under the definition. I am going to describe to you this guy, I may seem a little rude but I am only writing the truth. Let’s call this guy Elder T. Elder T was from Georgia. The armpit of the United States, honestly that’s one reason I watch the walking dead, to see how rednecks would survive the end of the world. Because we need to NOT have rednecks repopulating the earth, but that is another story. This guy was balding on top, his hair was thin and he cut it really short so no one would see his balding spot. He had big lips and let a slight goatee grow (although it was against mission rules to have facial hair) the goatee was not bad but you could see he purposely did not shave that area every day, just every other day or every two days. I would catch a glimpse of him through a sliver in the door of the bathroom (I know I am a creep, but his arrogance was so interesting to watch). He would put on his aviator sunglasses and have his backpack on looking at himself in the mirror. He always had a toothpick hanging out of his mouth. He thought he was the shiz. So I tell you about him because being with him all day every day for six weeks drove me insane. I noticed I was doing a kind of defense mechanism or something; I would put him down when he would talk. We would have dinner with members of the congregation and he had like an oil leakage of self-promoting compliments oozing out of his mouth all the time. Every time he spoke I made a comment that seemed to even out his story. He would say something about himself, I would tell them about something dumb or funny he did so the world would keep its balance. We were at one house where this family’s teenage son pulled me aside and said “Dude, what’s wrong with the other guy?” I DON’T KNOW! The point of this story is that I have a BIG issue with arrogant and cocky people; I somehow find the things I hate about them or the things they are doing wrong and bring them out to the surface. Seeing them humble up a bit when I catch them at a moment’s weakness is rewarding. I told you, I have issues.

          So, because of my inner bully I have found another similarity to Liz Lemon.  I am finishing up for tonight, I have more of the same characteristics with Liz Lemon that I can discuss another night.

 

(Song:Judas, Artist:Lady GaGa)

Where There is Desire There's Gonna Be a Flame

For some reason I feel like today will be a day I feel like sharing something that I find really embarrassing. I don’t share it with too many people. I have a strange fascination with Americas Next Top Model. I know, weird right. I tend to say the title of the show really quietly and shy-like when I tell someone. I found the show on my Amazon prime account and have been watching old seasons. Actually it has been the seasons that I started watching it (cycle 7 and cycle 8).

Lately I have been watching it a lot, between 30 Rock and ANTM that is all I watch lately. I hate seeing all the drama. What I love watching is the photo-shoots and the creativity that some photographers produce. So the other day I had gone into work the day after a day off and was talking to a friend at work. We were being a little immature and laughing about things when she asked what I did the day before. I had a look of shame on my face when I responded quietly, “I watched Americas Next Top Model, and worked on homework.” rather than looking at me and laughing like most people do she says, “Oh! I love that show!” well that was a relief. So we talked for a while about our favorite photo-shoots and how complicated some of the challenges were. Then she says to me (by the way this was really random because I had not shown any desire into what she was about to say) “You should apply to be on the show.” I was surprised because I was like “Do I look like a girl to you?” when all of the sudden it dawned on me that the current season has male and female contestants. So I politely declined her persuading antics. It would be fun to do even if I was the first person voted off.

Needless to say I have been thinking a lot about this. I have watched many more full seasons (let me rephrase: I watch through the photo-shoot than skip to the next episode). The more I watch it the more I think it would be exciting to do. I feel so dumb even talking about this to real people who might actually read this blog. I have thought about taking a leave from work for it if I actually made it on the show, I have thought about “who is going to pay my bills while I am gone if I am there for several weeks? And let’s face it, this is all hypothetical, I do not have the body of a male model, I could work on it harder than I actually am. But hey it is fun to entertain an idea like this every once in a while right?

This friend and I at work have been talking and decided to have our own photo-shoot. We are going to get together and have some fun taking photos. Now luckily these are people who I can have a good time with and feel like an idiot. I guess this will help me decide if I want to really do this, and even then, if I look at my pictures and they look great and I worked well in front of a camera rather than behind it, I might apply. But for all those who know me I most likely will be too lazy and feel dumb about applying.

I have a good friend who has done a lot of fashion design schooling and is not working for a good company designing clothes. Something I remember her talking about while she was in school was how some of her teachers were basically telling them that fashion is more important than breathing. Now with an attitude industry like that I don’t know how I can manage. I like to learn new things, well things that interest me. I don’t know if I could handle someone telling me that if I don’t do a photo-shoot I am useless. Look at me actually considering this, I am laughing out loud right now...

Now that I have shared something I feel is embarrassing I want everyone who talks to me after reading this to treat me like normal and not make fun of me, I make fun of myself enough. If I get together with my friends and do the photo-shoot we have been discussing I will post my favorite pictures. The end.

 

 

(Song: Try, Artist: P!nk)

Anthem of our Dying Day

I have been thinking a lot about this blog. What it was created to be like, what it has turned into. I have been thinking of what to post next, what to talk about. When I logged onto the site today I realized I have not posted anything for nearly a year. So let’s do a recap; I still work in Hell, but on a good note, Hell has cooled a bit and it not as horrible as it used to be.  School has become complicated and more difficult. I wish someone would just tell me what I am going to do with the rest of my life so I can plan now. I have met new people, heard stories from crazy people, watched many movies, television shows have become my reality and I sleep 5 hours a night. Music is the only thoughts in my head and “healthy food” is food I only buy at McDonalds.

“So what did you feel like complaining about today” do you ask? Nothing. I think it might be a great idea to kind of adapt and talk about something I had to do as an assignment for a class the other day. This class is called “Foundations of Recreation” and it is what it sounds like. We talk about things like camping, watching the stars, talking to animals, and even becoming hermits. Well, that may be a bit of an exaggeration but it is close. The assignment I was doing last night was “contemplation”. I was supposed to contemplate for an hour with no electronics. Since my A.D.D. wouldn’t let me sit still so long I decided to go for a drive. I was thinking about things in the lyrics of the last song I was listening to before I started the assignment. “Aftermath” by Adam Lambert. I picked out a few phrases I remembered and thought about them, and considered how to make them apply in my life.

Anytime anybody pulls you down

Anytime anybody says you're not allowed

Just remember you are not alone

In the aftermath

Not that I have been severely depressed lately, or that I have been bullied. But I have an inner bully. I seem to pull myself down daily; I have been trying to change that. I have been trying to build myself up a bit. Instead I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I look like that. I think about all the work I have done to be healthy and I get mad at myself for having to work, because if I didn’t work maybe I would be good at something. Maybe I could do an iron man competition.  I then realize that I am not useless in life, and I build myself up a bit (not enough to undo the damage I do to myself because I try really hard not to become arrogant or conceded). But sometimes it is a little hard to get the negative voice in your head to stop putting yourself down.

Tell a stranger that they're beautiful

So all you feel is love, love

All you feel is love, love

I actually tried this once, it was quite invigorating. You see the person light up and you kind of see the negative Nancy voice in their head shut up. The best part is when they say “Thank You” it is probably the most genuine “Thank You” you have received in a while. It just makes you feel good. So yes, Adam Lambert was right, all you do feel is love.

            The best part of this whole song is the tune, the voice, and the lyrics. Pretty much a great song, but I like listening to it because it builds me up. I have other personal reasons why I like this song that I don’t feel appropriate to share at this time, but it is meaningful to me. So it was nice to think about it for a bit. And “Just Remember You are Not Alone”

            Another song I was thinking about was “Everybody Hurts” by Avril Lavigne:

Everybody hurts some days

It's okay to be afraid

Everybody hurts, everybody screams

Everybody feels this way

And it's okay, it's okay, it's okay

I know these lyrics are really cheesy but when you’re in a bad mood or had a bad day it is actually quite comforting. I think it is comforting at least’ because it is nice to know someone else out there is going through bad days too. Unfortunately it might not be your boss or your nemesis, but someone is and it’s nice to be reminded of that. The last song I was thinking about was “Hymn” by Brooke Fraser.

If to distant lands I scatter

If I sail to farthest seas

Would You find and firm and gather

‘Til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures

Would You leave to look for me?

Forfeit glory to come after

‘Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition

If my soul one goal to seek

This my solitary vision

‘Til I only dwell in Thee

That I only dwell in Thee

‘Til I only dwell in Thee

This is one of my all-time favorite songs. I enjoy listening to songs that play with my emotions and get my brain to calm down, this song does it entirely. Tying all three songs together, the lyrics and all one might see the many issues and struggles going on in my life. (No nobody will figure out my problems from studying the lyrics). But I wanted to vocalize a bit about the thoughts that were in my head at the time I was supposed to be contemplating.

Life can be very difficult; not living up to your parent’s expectations (I don’t think they realize how serious I am about not getting married). Failing at work (I am at work longer than I sleep, studies were done and I am 100% serious. So when I am told I am failing I take it harder than most people) even when your failing chemistry (really, it is a lot harder than I thought) life sucks.

I have given up on facebook. Sorry friends, I hate seeing you happy. I hate seeing you out partying it up with your new roommates and friends. Sorry former mission companions I hate seeing you and your family of 3 out on the beach. I hate seeing all those sick kids begging for likes. A like on facebook is not going to change laws, it is not going to make a person have a miracle in their life, I am tired of seeing these things! Let’s face it. All I look for in life is the next laugh. The next moment to make me feel dumb for thinking I was smart, for the next person to yell at themselves in the middle of a parking lot. I even look for the little kids to act like adults with their young children minds.

This class has taught me quite a bit about time and how it is used, how it is wasted. The last thing I want to say to God when I die is “yeah… I wasted a lot of time.” Instead I would rather say “at least I was making myself useful by grafitti-ing the side of that building with art.” Or “I was doing shooting practice to prepare me for the Zombie apocalypse.” I would even be fine with “I had sex a lot” rather than saying “I am a time waster.” 

Now that I have covered every topic under the sun, let’s stop wasting time and energy on talking bad about ourselves in our heads, and let’s build others up by giving genuine compliments that will earn genuine Thank You’s. All changes start with you. So if you’re sick of seeing all those poor sick children begging for likes, don’t like the page. You won’t be punished by God for it. (I tried not liking all those pages and I had a good day, so go still loves me). It’s not that I am not caring; I just don’t think facebook is a good way of expressing your care. “Oh I ‘Liked’ a picture of a kid with cancer this morning, so now he will be cancer free by the end of the day.” Or it is even worse because people will like something and forgets about it because they think that they did something important by clicking a button.

I am stepping off my soapbox now.

Until I find time again. Good Day.

 

(Song: Anthem of our Dying Day, Artist: Story of the Year)

Shatter Every Window ‘Till it’s All Blown Away

          Wow, it has been a long time since I have written. I think mostly the reason I have not taken the time to write is mainly my job. And now I am about to complain; that what this blog is about, the woes of my life. The Bitter Critic is the right title; I am not the Positive Pansy. So as I was saying...
          I work as a Manager in the state side wannabe Nordstrom store known as Dillard’s. This place is full of people who don’t know what they are doing (myself included) and people who will not own up to their actions. Being in management I have had to deal with people that are higher in the company; for example: I had a large number of fixtures that we didn’t use, and still do not use. All these things do is collect dust and haven’t held clothes on them in probably 5 years at the least. When I got in contact with the guy in charge of inter-store shipments he told me to send a few. So I did what I was told. Next thing I know I have 10 people calling me from the distribution center wanting to know why these were on the truck, I explained to them and told them who told me to do it. When this guy was confronted he denied giving permission on anything. So who do they believe? the guy who has been there longer. Luckily I had the email that gave me the go ahead. Needless to say I am not this guy’s favorite person.

          These kinds of things don’t happen too often with corporate, but they still happen. But now let’s talk about the other managers in the store. I am the youngest manager out of the 10 managers (the shoes manager is just a couple years older than me) so I am the one everyone likes to boss around. I have actually enjoyed the opportunity to learn how to be a leader and delegate. That is not the issue, the issue is there are 3 people who are trying to do anything possible to get me out of the store; whether it is getting me fired (which they prefer) or putting so much pressure on me that I quit. I have considered talking to the store manager, the one over all of us; but he too is being targeted. The district manager has actually been in our store once regarding the claims to get the main manager fired.

          I have complained too many people about all these things, but what really stresses me out is the fact that there are people in this world out to ruin the lives of people they don’t like. I usually just ignore the people I don’t like, and I am surviving very well. But there are those who will work as hard as possible to destroy the lives of the people they hate. These 3 managers have caused a great desire for a tornado to come sweeping through Provo and take its path right on top of Dillard’s, collapsing on these 3 people. I was telling someone the other day at how I would not even flinch if I witnessed one in particular getting hit by a speeding car. I would just say “oh that’s too bad” then call the police, and leave not caring to know if she lived or died. What would cause me to be so cold hearted? Oh yeah, her unstoppable desire to get rid of me.

          Now watching Dillard’s burn with these 3 people trapped inside wouldn’t be half bad either, but what I do not understand is why did they give me a positive review when they were contemplating putting me into the position I am in now? I can only come up with the idea that they were pressured by others in the room who were giving positive reviews to also give a positive review, because they don’t want to go against the flow. Or maybe they thought I would be easily manipulated because I am young. Well since I have not been manipulated into their slave work I have somehow pissed them off to the point of them working on getting me in trouble and trying to force me out in some way. Sadly to say they will probably win, the environment is so toxic there that when I walk into Dillard’s in the morning I feel like I am suffocating. When I leave I feel free like I just climbed out of a very tight cave into a field.

          When I get home at night I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling in awe that I survived another day. There are a few people I can talk to at work, but there is nothing they can do but complain with me. So that is why I have not been writing, I don’t even get up to make food for myself after work each day because I am so tired. That place it emotionally taxing, and physically at times. So I have tried to do things that make me happy, I have read a few books, watched a few TV shows and then I go to bed and start with the poison again bright and early the next day.

          I have been trying to be more positive lately, and some days it feels like swimming against the current, but I am making the attempt. So now let me tell you about someone that makes me happy, well 3 people, one is a Hollywood crush, another is a very good singer, and one is someone I know quite well. My new Hollywood crush is Valerie Bertinelli from the TV show Hot in Cleveland the second is Kelly Clarkson (That is a given) and the last is my Nephew Haydyn. He just seems to make everything better, unless he is tired, than he makes everyone want to put him to sleep. So to relieve myself of the stress of the hell hole I call work I listen to Kelly Clarkson on the way home from work, watch Valerie Bertinelli on Hot in Cleveland when I get home and pray for Haydyn and his cute little brother each night.

          I have even starting drinking herbal teas meant to relieve stress but alas, nothing there, I might hit the bottle soon. I have never been tempted to drink alcohol, but a blue bottle of sky vodka looked like a peaceful way to end the day the other night. I won’t start drinking because I know better, but if life doesn’t get better I might implode on myself.

 Dr.K

(Song: Blown Away; Artist: Carrie Underwood)

Somehow I Made It Here

          While being in an English class it makes it hard to find the desire to write blog posts. But since I have a two week break I think I’ll get some thoughts out. There is so much to discuss, I hope this post makes sense. And I hope that you take this read with a grain of salt, because I may say something that might offend someone. I want you to realize that I am probably not even talking about you. So don’t get offended.
          I think I may have scared a few people off with an introduction like that. Since English took over my writing these past months I have had a lot to think about and research. What I want everyone to know is that we as human beings are very disgusting. The things we do to the environment around us and how we treat others. I wrote my main paper on air pollution and inversion, we are all slowly killing the life around us. I am included in this, but I think now is not the time for me to be getting into this topic. Maybe in a future post I will enlighten you. Something I noticed was how we treat each other. I did not have to write a paper on this but I found it disturbing that we treat the people we appreciate with disrespect and then call it love. I observed different groups of people just sitting waiting for class to start, or alone in a movie theater, or even just walking down the mall. I saw a few people being all over each other and the first thing I thought was “new love” because just around the corner you see the newlyweds who are still holding hands but they seem bored. But my favorite is to see the young parents; the cute little wife trying to catch their millions of kids while the husband walks ten feet ahead of his family checking out the 18 year old working at a kiosk. This will happen to just about everyone, face it we are human. But something we can look forward to is being old. That is when the husband realizes how much he really loves his wife, that’s when he wants to hold hands and give all of his attention to her.

          Even at work, we are nice to each other’s face but once the slave driver of a manager walks away from me I throw my face into to look like I am about to vomit and can’t wait to complain about her crazy commands. Or when someone you think is a friend turns around and stabs you in the back through the heart, then turns the dagger around. Nothing is worse than a friend you confide in tells your complaints and secrets you tell in confidence to another person. The way we treat each other’s to protect ourselves from being wrong is lower than dirt.
          I have been reading a friend of mine’s journal from his mission; I love it, especially when I am mentioned (I love hearing how others see me). Doing this has put me into a nostalgic state. I crave the times we had doing things for others, the long hours we had knocking doors in a rural place, having doors slammed in your face and then going home at the end of the night and laughing with your friends about the crappy day you had. Some days I long for crappy mission days because what I am doing now seems a lot harder. Most people don’t really take into account that when I tell them I spend most of my nights alone I really mean, I am alone. I go out maybe once or twice a week, if I am lucky. So I have developed new friendships in things like my friends journal, books have been more personal to me than anything. As of late I have needed to remind myself that the things I read did not actually happen to me or a friend. One reason I really look to my books as friends is because they are there to entertain me at all times, they won’t ditch out on me for someone cooler, and I am in a good mood when I get done reading a good book. I do not always feel that way when I get home after a supposedly great evening with a friend. Music has been my anti-drug, I listen to it at every moment I can; I am listening to Josh Grobans “February Song” right now because he is one of the few people that can keep me hopeful. On crappy days, not that today is crappy but thinking about bad days can put you in a mood.

          A friend of mine just finished college; we went to dinner and got to catch up. She said something that I have noticed about college goers as well. She said it will be hard for her to date because there are a lot of guys who are not ambitious. For example: she met a guy who is doing an acting degree. She asked him what he was going to do with it and he had no plan. I understand this might be a poor example, but the principle is still the same. How are we supposed to keep this world moving if we have people with little ambition voting in a president when they do not even care to research who would be a better candidate? Or why would I want a careless professor teaching my nieces and nephews (because I am not having kids) in school? I find it scary to know we have a lot of people being lackadaisical about their future, because your future affects my future. So it was refreshing when I ran into a friend at the gym and she told me all the plans she and her husband have for after her graduation and his entering into grad school. I guess there is hope somewhere out there.
          Along those lines I want to think out loud for a minute; what kind of gratification is there is spending hours and hours doing nothing in the company of friends? I mean to say video games, movies and (I will probably be knifed in the alley way for this one) sports. When I hang out with someone I want it to be worth my time, I want to do something with them that is better than me being at home getting homework done, or finishing a good book. My roommates hosted way too many of these parties and I found it to be a complete waste of time. But I guess others will tell me wasting my time reading a book is worthless. Like I said though, thinking out loud.
          Love is an interesting thing. I realized unconditional love tonight as I was leaving my parents’ house. Something happened as we were driving away, this happens a lot, but I really thought about it tonight. I was in the car with my two nephews and my sister and brother-in-law waving to my mother goodbye as we drove away. We were leaving her alone because my dad is at work ‘till ten tonight. A little twinge and gilt went through my body as we were saying goodbye, I felt bad for leaving her there alone. She was so happy to have us there at the house, I wish I would have just driven up to the house and stayed the night tonight so she wouldn’t have to be alone for so long. I wonder at how people can treat their parents with such disrespect and hatred when the parents have been loving and caring for the kids their whole life. I understand every situation is different, but it goes back to how we treat the people we love. It is really sad when I see someone treating a stranger far better than they treat their own family.

          I did not mean to go off on how people treat each other, this happened to be a very long tangent, but I guess it has been a deep emotion I needed to bring to the surface.
          I got to see Kelly Clarkson in concert with a good friend of mine. I found it funny that her husband allowed her to go with me, obviously he is not worried. But I was highly entertained; unfortunately for my friend I think she was bored with me, I guess I have that effect. That is probably why I spend most of my nights alone. I have found it that I am not a very “emotion on my sleeve” type of person; especially when I am content. I guess I always have an angry look on my face. Ill add that to my list of things to work on (Problem to work on #452 save money for plastic surgery to make my content face happier).
          I am not even sure what this post is about. Mostly it is just me typing away some of the thoughts in my head so I can post a long needed update to my blog. I am sure many of the people reading this will roll their eyes at me or read into what I have said too much. I was just having a bit of a pity party here with a bit of venting and a dash of humor. Life is unpredictable and now that you have had a glimpse into the thoughts in my head maybe you all will ignore me even more. All I know is I am happy, and that is all that I am worried about at this point.

Dr.K

(Song: The Sun Will Rise (Feat. Kara Dioguardi); Artist: Kelly Clarkson)

I’m Going to Spend The Time With You

I watched Moulin Rouge a few weeks ago. I was sick one Sunday and decided to watch it since I was the only one home at the apartment. It was somewhat entertaining and I had forgotten a lot. I really like music and the storyline is actually kind of lame. I am not into the whole idea that this guy falls in love with the Diamond so quickly. It was still entertaining though. I have been the kind of person who has to get to know someone before I fall for them. That is probably why I am not dating a lot like others are.
          Anyways I was also thinking about the Katy Perry music video The One That Got Away. And if you have not seen the video, please watch it before going on. (There is a link to the video at the bottom of this post.) Now I am not saying the lyrics are the best, or that the song is my favorite. Katy Perry looks really great as an old person though. Anyway, it really has got me thinking lately. Mostly about life and how unfair it is.

          I may not have had anything similar happen to me like what happens in both those films. I never thought about how much you could love someone. Life and death have always been interesting to me. I am sad at funerals because of the obvious, but I don’t get overly upset because I know I will see that person again. One thing that I cannot fathom is losing someone to the point of never being able to see them again. I hold my relationships pretty high on my importance list. I have friends that I made in California that might not even remember my name; I hold our relationship very high also. Then I think about a relationship where I would love someone so much that is it is bothersome to be away from that person. What would happen to me if that person were to go away? What if they were to die or vanish from my life entirely? I do not believe I could function properly. Some things in this life are far more important than the small things before us. Something I want my friends, family, lovers, acquaintances or whoever you are out there to know is how much I love and appreciate all of you. You do not realize what you have until you do not have it anymore. I do not want to think about that with anyone in my life. My relationships are far too important to me.

 Dr.K

(Song: The Only One; Artist: Joel Piper)

Dirty Dancing in the Moonlight

          I would like to send a shout out and a Happy Birthday to my good friend Jordan Metcalf. She is my twin sister; we have different parents; we were born in different hospitals on opposite sides of the country and we look nothing alike. She and I have had an ongoing romance like that since I can remember because we were born on the same day. When we were younger it was the best thing ever to have someone share your birthday. Even in high school we would see each other in the halls and she would remind me how long we had till our birthday. Sometimes she had it down to the hour. I thought about this when last week I realized my birthday was less than a week away… oops, I guess they are not that important anymore. That is beside the point; I just want to say that Jordan is one of the greatest people I know. There are many reasons why; and I will only name a few:

She is married and has been for a little over a year now. There is something I really like about her and her husband; that is the fact that you could be the painfully obvious third wheel when you’re with them, but they do not make it feel awkward. They don’t let you feel like a third wheel at all. In fact when you hang out with just the two of them it is like hanging out with a couple of friends. I have to remind myself that they are married because it is so normal with them. I ran into them at a restaurant about a week after their wedding, I was eating alone and the two of them came over and sat with me at my table. We ate together and laughed and had fun. I will not forget that because I would have thought they wanted to be alone together. But what they told me was they had seen enough of each other lately and they will see each other a lot more so they wanted to sit with me. I love how great they are, I want my lasting relationship to be like that. I really enjoyed the idea that they wanted to eat with me.

Something else I really like about Jordan is how she makes sure everyone around her is comfortable. But she does not do it to the extent that a lot of people do; you know like when it is annoying. She makes everyone feel at home, and if they are not comfortable it is their fault. She is very personable and actually is genuine when she wants to help someone. I don’t really know how else to explain it. Oh, and she finds words that are normal in everyday life and makes them interesting. She took the word “Nugget” and used it as a word to describe her mood, things, and people. You name it. That is one of the many funny things she does.

The reason I gave this post the title of “Dirty Dancing in the Moonlight” was because I am sure that if anyone would do this it would be Jordan. That sounds bad… let me clarify. If Jordan would dirty dance or has dirty danced in the moonlight it was in a joking matter. She would probably listen to this song, pick out this line and dance like a dingy in the moonlight. Jo Jo McFly you are one of the greatest people I know. Thank you for having a positive influence in my life. Happy 23^rd Birthday!

Dr.K

(Song: Domino, Artist: Jessie J)