I’m Gonna Give it All I Can Give

          It is that time of year for most people to make goals. The majority makes a goal to lose weight and they work on it for about 3 days then give up. Well I think the problem with that is they have no one to account to. For my new year resolutions I am going to make sure I have someone to account to; all my readers. I want my friends to check up with me and make sure I am doing what I am supposed to. Let’s start:

          Looking over this past year, the two thousand and eleventh year of our Lord, I learned that I am a very selfish person. I want to make 12 new friends this year. I am not talking about best friends, but people I can get along with and talk to at church, or school, or even hang out once in a while. I think that if I can help others I won’t be so bitter all the time. Along with that same idea, I want to strengthen friendships I already have; my closest friends have become distant, I blame it on marriage or school. The real issue is me; I need to be the one to make an effort to see them because they have more important things than me. I have friends in California that I want to keep. I want to make sure they know they are very important people to me. Facebook is an alright way of keeping in touch. But my real intentions for this year are to make sure they know how important they are to me, other than through social networking. Last thing with the friends is I want to solidify friendships that have already begun.

          I was looking at some of my fitness magazines the other day and realized I told everyone on Facebook that I was going to be a “fit man” according to Men’s Health Magazine by this December. I am sad to say that I did not get anywhere near that. So my resolution for this year is no make sure I am progressing along with my plan to be more physically fit and to gain the muscle I want. I am not putting a limit on myself because I think I need to be a little flexible with my health. Being overboard the first few weeks or even days might kill me. I have a plan and I am going to stick to it; diet and all. I have a dietary leader (Thanks Jenna Shirley) and now all I need is a friend to work out with (anyone open to the idea?) I am serious about going. I need someone who will not back out on me, someone who will make the same effort with me (any takers!?)

          I want to be finished with my generals at UVU and I want to be at least starting my program by December of 2012. It takes some dedication for me to get this one accomplished. That’s about all for school. It is short and to the point.

          One thing I want to change about myself is how lazy I am. I want to have some drive to actually do something with my time. I do not want to be wasteful of my time like I have been in the past year. I want to be productive. If that means developing a new talent, so be it (Don’t count on that though). Reading to gain knowledge or studying a topic just for the heck of it is something I will say I am going to do, but I will not let it interfere with my school work.

          I have had a huge problem with how people take advantage of me because I can’t really say no. Another problem I have is the way I am bossed around at work. I am going to stand up for myself. I have a problem with authority when it is used in a bad way; and for a lot of managers where I work this is a problem. Let’s add another goal to this one, I want to do such a good job at my work that I will be promoted to a different store. 

         I have a very strong belief in my religion. I want to make sure this year that this does not diminish. I want to learn a great deal more of the scriptures. I want to gain much more insight about the Bible and The book of Mormon. How they work together and hand in hand. I am going to get pass along cards and make sure that people know that I have a very strong belief in Christ. I want them to not get offended by my beliefs and I want people to understand that this is a part of who I am. Not by my teaching them or because I am intense with them. I want them to know that I am a follower of Christ because of my actions. I want to show them that I am not here to judge them, I am here to live my life and if someone would like to be educated or needs to be educated I will tell them. Remember I will not allow anyone to walk all over me this year, so I will not allow them to trash on my religion either.

          My last goal is one I have been thinking about for a while. I want to do something next year that will have an effect on many lives. I do not want this thing to be negative. I want it to be a very positive thing. Now, I have a whole year to think of something. I want to have an idea of what I can do by the end of June. I have a very good idea, although it has already been done, I want to make it a thought in people’s heads again. Stay tuned for that.

          I have never understood the point of resolutions because I have always had small goals in my life. I have small goals every day of things I need to get accomplished. Today I want to make the decision to have large changes in my life.

 Dr.K

(Song: Free, Artist: Jenny Jordan Frogley)

With the Power in You, We Can Change The Whole World

          My friend asked me the other day why I am so hateful of the world. So I decided to add another post to show why people are annoying. This is something that has been driving me crazy ever since returning to Utah from California. I wrote a report on it and I also gave a 10 minute speech on this; so yeah, it is pretty important.
          There is a little phrase that goes like this “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.” Yes, I am talking about aluminum, plastic and glass. The three of these items are hurting our environment. It has been bothering me because I am made fun of a lot for having a concern for things like this. I want to talk about these things because when I talk about it with someone they just roll their eyes and think about other things because they do not believe me. Or if they do believe me it is not a strong enough belief to actually do something. But let me tell you people something; this is real, and it is affecting us and it will affect our children severely in the near future if we do not work on it now.

          I will begin with glass because it has the least effect on the environment: As most people know, glass is made from sand after lightning strikes it. Another place is from volcanos erupting and melting rocks and sand together (http://www.bigsiteofamazingfacts.com/how-is-glass-made). The point is it is a natural thing. Glass is a substance that does not put off toxic gasses, or chemically harms the environment. That does not mean you should just throw glass away. There are plenty of land-fills that have been made into parks or other places like that. Now, if we have broken glass in these land-fills it is hazardous to the people using these parks. Think of taking kids or animals to these parks and them getting a severe cut that has a high possibility of getting infected. Not only this, but think about the animals in the ocean that are making empty glass bottles a home. Hermit crabs will find a home in almost anything, but it is not natural. When we throw away a glass bottle it takes 10,000 years to decompose. It takes less energy and fewer resources when we recycle glass. This may not be the most important thing to recycle but it is still a pressing issue.

          This next chemical has been a major revolution for us. It is used in just about everything we use; from doctors’ offices to kid’s toys, from cell phones to clothes hangers. Plastic is a very useful in our world for obvious reasons. It is cheap to process and use, and it is durable. One thing that has been helpful with the use of plastic is it has lifted the weight of cars so they do not put out as much CO₂ into the air, which causes pollution and smog. Unfortunately with all the good things that come with plastic there are a few bad things, which we can do to help eliminate. When plastic is burned it releases toxins in the air called dioxins. Dioxin is a chorine based chemical that can cause deadly results such as Lung Cancer, Suppression of the Immune System, Liver damage, and much more. So throwing your plastic water bottles into a fire is not the best idea. Burning plastic on your own does not kill the chemicals released. In recycling factories the temperatures kill the chemicals released from plastic, and the plastic is being re-used. Another issue is we are guessing plastic degrades slowly; it takes an estimated 1,000 years for it to decompose entirely. This is just an estimate though because no one has lived long enough to know how long it actually takes. You might think it is just one plastic bottle but if everyone in the world says that it actually ends up being over 6 billion plastic bottles. Recycling is as easy as throwing something away.

          The last item I want to talk about is the one that I get annoyed with people over. Something that needs to be recycled the most is aluminum. I have heard people say that it is a metal so it is natural. This is very bad thinking. Beginning with how aluminum has to be pulled from the earth because it is a mineral. This causes environmental damage because we just keep pulling it from the earth. Why are we continually pulling something out of the planet when we can recycle it? A huge issue is with the amount of energy it takes to make aluminum cans out of new resources. 3% of the world’s energy goes to making aluminum cans. Recycling just one aluminum can saves energy enough to power your television for 3 hours. It takes the same amount of energy to make one new aluminum can out of new material as it does to make 20 cans out of recycles material. That is actually really gross if you think about the amount of energy we use just making aluminum cans. Thrown away aluminum can take 80-200 years to decompose. When we do not recycle it adds to our landfills and pollutes what will be parks we’ll be using with our children one day.  Also non-recycled cans also put chemicals into the ground and air, Dioxide and nitrogen oxide chemicals are released into the air. Both are contributors to smog and acid rain. The chemicals put into the ground are very bad for anything around the dumping zone. Each ton of aluminum cans requires 5 tons of bauxite ore to be strip-mined, crushed, washed, and refined into alumina before it is smelted, creating about 5 tons of caustic red mud residues which can seep into surface and groundwater. People and animals have suffered from the effects of bauxite mining in Jamaica, Brazil, Australia, and other tropical areas (http://www.container-recycling.org/facts/aluminum/dirty.htm). I know for a fact that if this mud was seeping into our ground water people would have a problem with it. But it is not, so people don’t think about it. Most people don’t even know about it. These are reasons why we need to recycle! It helps in eras we do not even know about!

         Please stop asking why and stop being lazy about something as important as this. I know there are many people out there who do not know about all of this. Some people know about it but do not believe the facts. But let me ask you this; what would it hurt to recycle? For arguments sake, let’s say that all the information I just told you about was bogus. It will not hurt anyone to recycle your stuff; whether it is items we use daily or things like batteries or cell phones. There are areas in the world being affected because of our laziness. Our world is not going to remain beautiful much longer if we do not try and do something about it now.

Dr.K

(Song: Superhero; Artist: Simon Curtis)

          While I was looking up pictures for this post, I found many pictures I wish people would look at. Many animals are suffering because of our plastic being put into the ocean; animals are being hurt because of our laziness. But the thing that got me the most was caustic red mud residues. This stuff burns; it is very damaging to all wild life and even damaging to people who come in contact with it. For us to help is such an easy task. All you have to do is recycle your stuff.

Clouds Will Rage

          For the past few days I have been really down. Down so deep it feels like the pressure of the ocean is on my chest. It is hard to explain the feeling, because most people I talk to just say, “Well that’s life.” I am not sure how that is supposed to comfort anyone, or the times when people try and out-do your problems with their problems. Don’t others realize that you are seeking someone to talk to and complain to; not someone who is going to try and make it seem like your issues are less than theirs. Unfortunately I feel like I have pushed friends away because I was being negative while they are trying to be positive about my situations.

          While I have been having these down days I think a lot about things; best friends who end up being nothing you can really rely on, or friends who just vanish entirely from my life. It sucks thinking about the dates I have ATTEMPTED to take girls on and how my desire to date has diminished because of the way girls act like they are still in high school. The thing that got to me the most was how I looked back over the year and nothing I have done this year has been for anyone else. I have been very selfish; I wanted a new job so I could have more money. I moved out so I could have more college experiences. I applied and got the promotion at work so I could have the experience of being a manager. These are just some major things, but overall I have not done anything for anyone else; I have not gone to Africa to help dig wells so people can have fresh water. I have not been to Costa Rica to help in orphanages. I have not even donated blood (I don’t think I can ever do that though) or even helped out at a homeless shelter or an AIDS clinic. I have been very selfish this year and I think karma is coming back at me because I have not been thinking too much about others, now others are not thinking about me.

          I just finished another book. I finally read I am Number Four by Pittacus Lore and I enjoyed it. I have found friends in my books because of the way the characters are able to help others and end up being the hero. Sometimes it would be nice to be the hero. I want to change my attitude (which will be difficult) and I want to be useful to someone. I want to be the individual others can rely on. I want to be a Hero in someone’s eyes. “Clouds will rage and storms will race in, but you will be safe in my arms. Rains will pour down, waves will crash around, but you will be safe in my arms.” I like this song, and I want to be someone can rely on when they are feeling like this. Because I know how bad it sucks when you are feeling like this alone.
          Now that my ‘self-pity party’ is coming to a close I feel better. It still sucks having your day killed because of a traffic ticket. It ruins the season when you realize that you are alone (romantically) yet again for another holiday.  But most of all, largest mood killer is when I realize how selfish I have been since returning from California.

Dr.K
(Song: In My Arms; Artist: Plumb)

Tell Me, Would You Kill to Prove You’re Right?

          It surprises me how intense people become to try and prove that what they know is right. Last night when I was trying to sleep my roommates decided to begin a deep discussion about one of the most useless topics in the world. There were 4 guys discussing this, two brothers and two friends. Of course they were doing this loudly as I was trying to sleep. I am beginning to think that is their favorite time to have heated discussions; while I slumber. Let me tell you how it all began:

          A group of girls had just left, one of them brought up the subject of asking one of them out. After they left this is what started the discussion. One of them asked if he would pay if a girl asked him out. He said “no” (which I agree because if she does the asking she should do the planning of the date and paying) when one of the brothers started calling him a jerk for not being a gentleman. It got heated at that point. They argued this for such a long time! Then they started talking about opening doors for girls, I do not know how this got into the subject but it did.

          After arguing for quite a while one of the brothers then said “The prophet has said that we should pay for the date.” That is what started the talk of church doctrine on the subject. It was like listening to a Mormon missionary try to teach Buddhism without ever meeting a Buddhist. They were making up things all over the place. You know the phrase “Grandma is rolling over in her grave” that was me in my bed last night. They were driving me insane. All my theories about how false church doctrine is started were used last night in their discussion. They twisted quotes from prophets, made up examples that made no connection to what was being discussed. The most horrible thing about this entire thing is that they were yelling! I could not sleep, and one of the brothers was getting so intense in getting his point across that I thought I was going to wake up to the police in my apartment cleaning up body parts because they had killed each other. I have never liked the idea of anyone forcing their ideas onto anyone. This one particular roommate is that type of person. Last night I saw that he was almost ready to kill because someone else would allow a girl to pay for dinner. He seems to control this entire apartment. If the temperature is too warm he freaks out, if you’re in the shower too long he freaks out, if something does not go his way he freaks out. I would not be surprised if her kills someone or hurts them badly to get his point across. If something happens that he does not agree with he becomes an angry individual. His ideas and opinions are law, if you have a problem with it you can leave. This is one reason I do ask them to do anything, because I am nervous he will freak out.

          Thank you all for listening to me complain. I just think that I need to tell someone how angry this guy is just case I die from an outburst or something. Just watch out for all the weirdly crazy people who are angry like this guy. Sadly most of them own guns because they are farmers and hunters.

          P.S. eventually I texted one of them this: “I’m too exhausted to move. Please continue this worthless conversation tomorrow!” shortly after they all went to bed. And I finally got to sleep.

Dr.K

(Song: Hurricane, Artist: Thirty Seconds to Mars)

I'm Gonna Drink My Tears and Cry

          I recently moved out (I know I am 22 and was living with my parents) which has been really good for me. I wanted to move into an apartment where I could make friends and meet new people. The main reason my mother wanted me to move out was because she wants me to get married ASAP. I don’t meant to disappoint her, but I am taking my time, I don’t want to rush into something just because I am counseled to do so. This is beside the point; what I want to talk about is my 5 roommates. To me that’s a little too many people together, but whatever. These 5 guys are total strangers. I have never met them before in my life. I wanted this; I wanted to meet new people and make new friends. The problem is that these 5 guys all know each other. They are actually really good friends from Delta Utah. So starting off I have been the odd man out.

I know a lot of this is my problem, but it all seems really awkward. The first few weeks here there were a couple girls who would come over and visit my roommates as a group. I would kind of exclude myself because they did not want to talk to me. In the beginning of this transition I went to activities trying to get to know people. I don’t claim to be the most social person, but I usually don’t struggle making friends. I went to these activities, talked to a couple people but that was about it. It soon became another high school type atmosphere with clicks and groups. Like high school, I did not fit in with one group in particular. I try to make friends with people from different groups, which is the downfall of my social skills I guess because I become an acquaintance rather than a best friend.
The next thing I did was started hanging out with friends I already had from before I went to California, (Unfortunately this group gets smaller as I get older with all the marriages). One of those people is my friend Jenna Shirley; she and I have lived through just about every horror movie we could think of, not to mention many good visits to In-and-Out or different Asian restaurants. We just have fun, even if it is just her and I sitting in my ice cold room listening to music and talking, or being overly dramatic about how poor my roommates band sings (the instruments are played well, the singing could scare away a banshee).

One day I came home from work and saw that someone had put sticky notes on our fridge with different members of the apartments name on each paper. They were written in girl’s handwriting. But something was off, there were 5 notes. My name was not there. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. I had already felt a bit excluded from them because they all have known each other for a while. But his just made the separation greater. That night Jenna came over to watch a movie and I told her what was bothering me, we joked about different things we were going to do to each note. But instead of actually writing different profanities on the notes Jenna got a not card out of my room, wrote my name in large letters, and stuck it on the fridge. Later that week one of my roommates mentioned it to me saying he was sorry I was left out. I blew it off like nothing was wrong. It was nice to have one of them recognize I was excluded a bit. That night one of their friends came over and brought some cookies for them. She had a plate with 5 cookies on it. Again, I was excluded. But I was going to not let it bother me this time. The problem with this situation was this particular roommate that apologized to me made a kind of scene about her bringing only 5 cookies, right in front of me. There I sat on the couch awkwardly pretending I did not hear the conversation going on next to me. Needless to say she always includes me now.

Well one might think this one roommate would start to include me. Nope, your thoughts are wrong. It has only gotten worse. The do not tell me when church activities are going on or even when the complex activities are going on. Around thanksgiving I found a stack of letters in the front room. Five letters each addressed to a particular person in the apartment. Lucky for me not all 5 letters had specific names. Two of them said “To whom this may concern” on them and the letter was pretty general. I again complained to Jenna about this, and as I was complaining we found a few hand written letters for my roommates again. I do not know when I became an outsider or even non-existent. But I guess most people around here think there are only 5 people living here. Jokingly Jenna asked me if I wanted a letter, and I said yes. The thing is she actually wrote a letter for me.

I wanted to take this moment to write to her: Jenna, you fool, I am a complainer, that’s why my blog is called The Bitter Critic. But I am happy you gave me a letter. I feel important. I want to say that I think you and I have a unique relationship. One second we could be having the driest and sarcastic conversation, and then it changes to a normal interesting discussion at the drop of a hat.  Not to mention, you’re in love with me, I am in love with Kelly Clarkson and she has no idea who I am. So this creates a crappy and not very interesting love triangle. But in all 100% seriousness, thank you for being such an awesome friend.
I want everyone to know though, that I know a lot of the social issues with my roommates is my fault. I have put myself in their shoes though; I wish at least one of them would make an effort to include me in at least one thing. I would.

Dr.K

(Song: Government Hooker, Artist: Lady GaGa)