I'm Gonna Drink My Tears and Cry

          I recently moved out (I know I am 22 and was living with my parents) which has been really good for me. I wanted to move into an apartment where I could make friends and meet new people. The main reason my mother wanted me to move out was because she wants me to get married ASAP. I don’t meant to disappoint her, but I am taking my time, I don’t want to rush into something just because I am counseled to do so. This is beside the point; what I want to talk about is my 5 roommates. To me that’s a little too many people together, but whatever. These 5 guys are total strangers. I have never met them before in my life. I wanted this; I wanted to meet new people and make new friends. The problem is that these 5 guys all know each other. They are actually really good friends from Delta Utah. So starting off I have been the odd man out.

I know a lot of this is my problem, but it all seems really awkward. The first few weeks here there were a couple girls who would come over and visit my roommates as a group. I would kind of exclude myself because they did not want to talk to me. In the beginning of this transition I went to activities trying to get to know people. I don’t claim to be the most social person, but I usually don’t struggle making friends. I went to these activities, talked to a couple people but that was about it. It soon became another high school type atmosphere with clicks and groups. Like high school, I did not fit in with one group in particular. I try to make friends with people from different groups, which is the downfall of my social skills I guess because I become an acquaintance rather than a best friend.
The next thing I did was started hanging out with friends I already had from before I went to California, (Unfortunately this group gets smaller as I get older with all the marriages). One of those people is my friend Jenna Shirley; she and I have lived through just about every horror movie we could think of, not to mention many good visits to In-and-Out or different Asian restaurants. We just have fun, even if it is just her and I sitting in my ice cold room listening to music and talking, or being overly dramatic about how poor my roommates band sings (the instruments are played well, the singing could scare away a banshee).

One day I came home from work and saw that someone had put sticky notes on our fridge with different members of the apartments name on each paper. They were written in girl’s handwriting. But something was off, there were 5 notes. My name was not there. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. I had already felt a bit excluded from them because they all have known each other for a while. But his just made the separation greater. That night Jenna came over to watch a movie and I told her what was bothering me, we joked about different things we were going to do to each note. But instead of actually writing different profanities on the notes Jenna got a not card out of my room, wrote my name in large letters, and stuck it on the fridge. Later that week one of my roommates mentioned it to me saying he was sorry I was left out. I blew it off like nothing was wrong. It was nice to have one of them recognize I was excluded a bit. That night one of their friends came over and brought some cookies for them. She had a plate with 5 cookies on it. Again, I was excluded. But I was going to not let it bother me this time. The problem with this situation was this particular roommate that apologized to me made a kind of scene about her bringing only 5 cookies, right in front of me. There I sat on the couch awkwardly pretending I did not hear the conversation going on next to me. Needless to say she always includes me now.

Well one might think this one roommate would start to include me. Nope, your thoughts are wrong. It has only gotten worse. The do not tell me when church activities are going on or even when the complex activities are going on. Around thanksgiving I found a stack of letters in the front room. Five letters each addressed to a particular person in the apartment. Lucky for me not all 5 letters had specific names. Two of them said “To whom this may concern” on them and the letter was pretty general. I again complained to Jenna about this, and as I was complaining we found a few hand written letters for my roommates again. I do not know when I became an outsider or even non-existent. But I guess most people around here think there are only 5 people living here. Jokingly Jenna asked me if I wanted a letter, and I said yes. The thing is she actually wrote a letter for me.

I wanted to take this moment to write to her: Jenna, you fool, I am a complainer, that’s why my blog is called The Bitter Critic. But I am happy you gave me a letter. I feel important. I want to say that I think you and I have a unique relationship. One second we could be having the driest and sarcastic conversation, and then it changes to a normal interesting discussion at the drop of a hat.  Not to mention, you’re in love with me, I am in love with Kelly Clarkson and she has no idea who I am. So this creates a crappy and not very interesting love triangle. But in all 100% seriousness, thank you for being such an awesome friend.
I want everyone to know though, that I know a lot of the social issues with my roommates is my fault. I have put myself in their shoes though; I wish at least one of them would make an effort to include me in at least one thing. I would.

Dr.K

(Song: Government Hooker, Artist: Lady GaGa)