Somehow I Made It Here

          While being in an English class it makes it hard to find the desire to write blog posts. But since I have a two week break I think I’ll get some thoughts out. There is so much to discuss, I hope this post makes sense. And I hope that you take this read with a grain of salt, because I may say something that might offend someone. I want you to realize that I am probably not even talking about you. So don’t get offended.
          I think I may have scared a few people off with an introduction like that. Since English took over my writing these past months I have had a lot to think about and research. What I want everyone to know is that we as human beings are very disgusting. The things we do to the environment around us and how we treat others. I wrote my main paper on air pollution and inversion, we are all slowly killing the life around us. I am included in this, but I think now is not the time for me to be getting into this topic. Maybe in a future post I will enlighten you. Something I noticed was how we treat each other. I did not have to write a paper on this but I found it disturbing that we treat the people we appreciate with disrespect and then call it love. I observed different groups of people just sitting waiting for class to start, or alone in a movie theater, or even just walking down the mall. I saw a few people being all over each other and the first thing I thought was “new love” because just around the corner you see the newlyweds who are still holding hands but they seem bored. But my favorite is to see the young parents; the cute little wife trying to catch their millions of kids while the husband walks ten feet ahead of his family checking out the 18 year old working at a kiosk. This will happen to just about everyone, face it we are human. But something we can look forward to is being old. That is when the husband realizes how much he really loves his wife, that’s when he wants to hold hands and give all of his attention to her.

          Even at work, we are nice to each other’s face but once the slave driver of a manager walks away from me I throw my face into to look like I am about to vomit and can’t wait to complain about her crazy commands. Or when someone you think is a friend turns around and stabs you in the back through the heart, then turns the dagger around. Nothing is worse than a friend you confide in tells your complaints and secrets you tell in confidence to another person. The way we treat each other’s to protect ourselves from being wrong is lower than dirt.
          I have been reading a friend of mine’s journal from his mission; I love it, especially when I am mentioned (I love hearing how others see me). Doing this has put me into a nostalgic state. I crave the times we had doing things for others, the long hours we had knocking doors in a rural place, having doors slammed in your face and then going home at the end of the night and laughing with your friends about the crappy day you had. Some days I long for crappy mission days because what I am doing now seems a lot harder. Most people don’t really take into account that when I tell them I spend most of my nights alone I really mean, I am alone. I go out maybe once or twice a week, if I am lucky. So I have developed new friendships in things like my friends journal, books have been more personal to me than anything. As of late I have needed to remind myself that the things I read did not actually happen to me or a friend. One reason I really look to my books as friends is because they are there to entertain me at all times, they won’t ditch out on me for someone cooler, and I am in a good mood when I get done reading a good book. I do not always feel that way when I get home after a supposedly great evening with a friend. Music has been my anti-drug, I listen to it at every moment I can; I am listening to Josh Grobans “February Song” right now because he is one of the few people that can keep me hopeful. On crappy days, not that today is crappy but thinking about bad days can put you in a mood.

          A friend of mine just finished college; we went to dinner and got to catch up. She said something that I have noticed about college goers as well. She said it will be hard for her to date because there are a lot of guys who are not ambitious. For example: she met a guy who is doing an acting degree. She asked him what he was going to do with it and he had no plan. I understand this might be a poor example, but the principle is still the same. How are we supposed to keep this world moving if we have people with little ambition voting in a president when they do not even care to research who would be a better candidate? Or why would I want a careless professor teaching my nieces and nephews (because I am not having kids) in school? I find it scary to know we have a lot of people being lackadaisical about their future, because your future affects my future. So it was refreshing when I ran into a friend at the gym and she told me all the plans she and her husband have for after her graduation and his entering into grad school. I guess there is hope somewhere out there.
          Along those lines I want to think out loud for a minute; what kind of gratification is there is spending hours and hours doing nothing in the company of friends? I mean to say video games, movies and (I will probably be knifed in the alley way for this one) sports. When I hang out with someone I want it to be worth my time, I want to do something with them that is better than me being at home getting homework done, or finishing a good book. My roommates hosted way too many of these parties and I found it to be a complete waste of time. But I guess others will tell me wasting my time reading a book is worthless. Like I said though, thinking out loud.
          Love is an interesting thing. I realized unconditional love tonight as I was leaving my parents’ house. Something happened as we were driving away, this happens a lot, but I really thought about it tonight. I was in the car with my two nephews and my sister and brother-in-law waving to my mother goodbye as we drove away. We were leaving her alone because my dad is at work ‘till ten tonight. A little twinge and gilt went through my body as we were saying goodbye, I felt bad for leaving her there alone. She was so happy to have us there at the house, I wish I would have just driven up to the house and stayed the night tonight so she wouldn’t have to be alone for so long. I wonder at how people can treat their parents with such disrespect and hatred when the parents have been loving and caring for the kids their whole life. I understand every situation is different, but it goes back to how we treat the people we love. It is really sad when I see someone treating a stranger far better than they treat their own family.

          I did not mean to go off on how people treat each other, this happened to be a very long tangent, but I guess it has been a deep emotion I needed to bring to the surface.
          I got to see Kelly Clarkson in concert with a good friend of mine. I found it funny that her husband allowed her to go with me, obviously he is not worried. But I was highly entertained; unfortunately for my friend I think she was bored with me, I guess I have that effect. That is probably why I spend most of my nights alone. I have found it that I am not a very “emotion on my sleeve” type of person; especially when I am content. I guess I always have an angry look on my face. Ill add that to my list of things to work on (Problem to work on #452 save money for plastic surgery to make my content face happier).
          I am not even sure what this post is about. Mostly it is just me typing away some of the thoughts in my head so I can post a long needed update to my blog. I am sure many of the people reading this will roll their eyes at me or read into what I have said too much. I was just having a bit of a pity party here with a bit of venting and a dash of humor. Life is unpredictable and now that you have had a glimpse into the thoughts in my head maybe you all will ignore me even more. All I know is I am happy, and that is all that I am worried about at this point.

Dr.K

(Song: The Sun Will Rise (Feat. Kara Dioguardi); Artist: Kelly Clarkson)