In one episode I remember Liz Lemon
(Tina Fey) came home to find the producer of her TV show doing the dirty with
his wife in her bed. She walks in the room disgusted and says “AWW man,
serious? I eat in there.” Well that is something I do a lot. Actually I eat
every meal at home in my bed. Mainly because my apartment was lived in by the
world’s most gross hoboes. I have to walk around on the carpet with socks
because if I don’t the nasty black carpet turns my feet black and eventually
turns the bathtub black, my sheets black, and even turns my white shoes black
(I don’t own a pair of white shoes, but if I did the carpet would turn the
black). So there is a funny thing I do, but seriously my apartment smells like
someone had a 100 year long orgy in here. It smells worse than a locker room
after a football game. I lock myself in my room and waste my cologne spraying
it everywhere trying to get the smell out.
For those who are close to me know
that I don’t really want kids. Not that I don’t like kids (I say I don’t like
kids but it’s mostly the fact that I don’t want my own). I am not sure where
this all came from. I like my nieces and nephews and sometimes other kids. But
most of the time I roll my eyes at kids and make fun of them. So basically I am
the devil according to young parents and grandparents. I tell people at work
that when I babysit my nephews I put them to bed at like 3. “Ok Haydyn and
Brodie, your mom and dad have been gone for 10 minutes, time for bed.” I
usually say it like they are barely able to understand me. But then Hayden will
be like “Uh, no. my mom said I can stay up until they get home.” Then I say to
him “When you get such a big vocabulary?” he is 6 almost 7. I don’t know where
he learned these things so fast, shouldn’t he still be saying “goo goo gaga.”
Oh well, my friends at work think I am the worst uncle. Especially because
Brodie gets shy around me when he hasn’t seen me in a while. So they will say
things like “Oh see, he doesn’t like you because you make him go to bed at 3
PM.” But the kid is 2, he doesn’t know the difference in time.
I have a bad problem in my subconscious.
It is so deep in my personality that it was not an easy thing to realize but I
found it, especially when I had Mission companions get mad at me for being
rude. This is something else that I feel I can relate to Liz Lemon in 30 Rock.
There is an episode in the second season where Liz decides to go to a class
reunion. After a long deliberation she is talked into it. She was hesitant
because she was made fun in high school. When she gets to the reunion she soon
learns that she was the bully in high school saying snide, rude comments to the
“cool” classmates. Now I feel like I am like this because like I said, I have
issues. I tend to really hate people with preppy happy personalities, well I
guess not preppy, but too happy that is doesn’t seem genuine. I usually stare
at them and smile, but in my head I think “Please someone kill her/him… or me!”
But the really bad thing is when I encounter someone who thinks very highly of
themselves. My biggest problem I have with anything in life is when someone is
arrogant and cocky. Early in life I thought it was just me being annoyed of it,
but I hate it so bad that it entered into my subconscious and I developed a
serial killer attitude toward arrogance. I feel it is a horrible attribute and
it should be destroyed from anyone’s personality. That being said…
I had a companion on my Mission who
was the definition of arrogance. If you looked up the name in the dictionary
his was one of the many pictures under the definition. I am going to describe
to you this guy, I may seem a little rude but I am only writing the truth.
Let’s call this guy Elder T. Elder T was from Georgia. The armpit of the United
States, honestly that’s one reason I watch the walking dead, to see how
rednecks would survive the end of the world. Because we need to NOT have
rednecks repopulating the earth, but that is another story. This guy was
balding on top, his hair was thin and he cut it really short so no one would
see his balding spot. He had big lips and let a slight goatee grow (although it
was against mission rules to have facial hair) the goatee was not bad but you
could see he purposely did not shave that area every day, just every other day
or every two days. I would catch a glimpse of him through a sliver in the door
of the bathroom (I know I am a creep, but his arrogance was so interesting to
watch). He would put on his aviator sunglasses and have his backpack on looking
at himself in the mirror. He always had a toothpick hanging out of his mouth.
He thought he was the shiz. So I tell you about him because being with him all
day every day for six weeks drove me insane. I noticed I was doing a kind of defense
mechanism or something; I would put him down when he would talk. We would have
dinner with members of the congregation and he had like an oil leakage of self-promoting
compliments oozing out of his mouth all the time. Every time he spoke I made a
comment that seemed to even out his story. He would say something about himself,
I would tell them about something dumb or funny he did so the world would keep
its balance. We were at one house where this family’s teenage son pulled me aside
and said “Dude, what’s wrong with the other guy?” I DON’T KNOW! The point of
this story is that I have a BIG issue with arrogant and cocky people; I somehow
find the things I hate about them or the things they are doing wrong and bring
them out to the surface. Seeing them humble up a bit when I catch them at a moment’s
weakness is rewarding. I told you, I have issues.
So, because of my inner bully I have
found another similarity to Liz Lemon. I
am finishing up for tonight, I have more of the same characteristics with Liz
Lemon that I can discuss another night.
(Song:Judas, Artist:Lady GaGa)
