You’re All I Want

                I will finish with the continuation of the past blog in the near future. But something has me a little bothered; I just got back from a mild drive home. I was able to spend the day with some built in friends; my cousins. We had a lot of fun going from one sugar high to another. And I guess the drive back home is when I crashed. I had some time to think about the place where my life is right now. I took my parents to the airport this morning where they started a week’s vacation, meaning I will be home alone for a week. That is actually really exciting, when you live near civilization. But unfortunately I do not, so I have the lucky opportunity to sit at home and do nothing after work.

                The first thing I thought of was, ‘Who can I call to come and visit?’ no one came to mind because they all live too far away. I then thought of family members, and that is where the depression really set in. I have four siblings, two older and two younger. The only person who would want to do something with me would be my older sister. But she lives a little over an hour away. My older brother and I do not get along for who knows what reasons. I suppose I “offended” him in some way. Then my younger brother lives in California with his wife as he is in the military, and I have not spoken to him in an actual conversation in over a year. Then I have the last person who has really killed my liking for my family, my younger sister. She is the closest living relative, but she too has a problem with me, for reasons unknown to me. At this point I began to feel isolated.

                I have not been a very good friend, but let me explain why. I have a group of friends that I really enjoy talking with and I consider them better family than my own flesh and blood. Because my life is so boring and monotonous our phone calls have become less and less often. The last time I really talked to a good friend about real stuff was over a month ago. When I call to talk to someone I do not want the conversation to be dead. I want to be able to tell them something, and I want to hear what they have to say about their life. My problem is that I am insecure about the way my life is right now, living with my parents and not dating and enjoying life. People are always saying this is the fun time of my life, well if this is the fun time of my life I have nothing to look forward to. With those insecurities I have pushed my friends away because I don’t like hearing how they are having so much fun making new friends in college or they are very busy finishing their degree. I look at my life and say, “wow, you really are a loser when the highlight of your day is getting excited because the only person who is happy to see you in your dog.”

                I do not want people to have sympathy for me; I really have done this to myself. Another reason I don’t talk to a lot to my good friends is because I complain. I do not want them to have to deal with all my complaints, because I complain a lot. When I complain I get answers like, “Just wait, it will all get better.” Or something like, “Everyone goes through lows like this.” I don’t like these answers because I understand the concept, but how long do these ‘lows’ last? Years? Months? Someone might say I am depressed, but I am not. I have fun and I am blessed to have the life that I have. The grass just seems to be greener on the other side. I guess being broken inside like this just brings us to a closer relationship with the one who loves us more than we can even imagine.

                Now tying the past couple posts together I want to say, it would be nice to have someone close to talk to. I want to have a relationship where I can laugh and have fun, joke around and pick on each other, be a person the other can call under any circumstance, and vice versa. I want to have someone who will sympathize with me and love me enough to just let me vent. A real relationship that I want to last forever is one that is based on emotional and spiritual attraction. Not only physical attraction. But a good strong person I can lean on when I need it, and I will be her strong person to lean on when she needs it. That is all I want.

Dr.K

(Song: Everything; Artist: Lifehouse)

Vanity

I will be the first to admit that I am vain. I am always making sure I look good, making sure that my posture it great. If one hair falls out of place, I have a break down. Not really but I just get annoyed and move on. I need to be dressed in clothes that are clean and have no creases. I look in mirrors at the mall to make sure I still look good. I even look at my reflection in the glass at school when it is dark outside to see what I need to change about my posture or the way I walk. Some of my friends might not think that I am this conceded, but I don’t verbalize it like a lot of other people. I guess that is why I cannot stand being around conceded people, they verbalize the things that don’t matter, when I just think them. I hate the fact that I am vain and I think it is a quality that I need to work on. This is important for you to understand a little of this so you can get why I still have not had my first kiss.

                Let’s take a little journey back to high school. This is a time in my life that I do not like to reflect on because I was not a social person. I try to get along with people and I am told that I am a likable person, but not the type of person you would want to date, or be best friends with. I am just a “nice” person. Looking back into this time, I was not a typical senior; I hated every moment in school. When there were assemblies or school function I avoided them at all costs. I would go home and watch T.V. while everyone watched the talent show, or were at the pep rallies. Needless to say I wanted to blend in with the walls in school. All of this started in middle school, mostly dumb kids being jerks, but it evolved into me not wanting to talk or look at just about anyone. I would even avoid friends at times I just did not want to be known. Well, the last semester of senior year I took an internship class. I was looking forward to this because I would be spending time away from school, for school. There were some days when we would have class and I loathed those days. The class was filled with dumb jocks (some I knew from my neighborhood) also student council members, and a few drama geeks. I soon became a person of interest to them. The very first comment to me when we were supposed to be getting to know each other was, “You’re really skinny” I wanted to scream THANKS CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! But I just sat there uncomfortably as the group we were put into was staring at my skinniness. At that point I wanted to go live in a cave and hope that I got fat.

                Shortly after graduation my family was in the process of building a new home about an hour away from there in the middle of nowhere. I thought about it and decided to try and make a change in my attitude and even my appearance. I started working out and being friendlier with people I worked with and I tried to become a more reliable friend. A few weeks before we were about to move into the new home I moved to California. While I was out there, people also stated the obvious, “You are freakishly tall.” “You are really skinny.” “What it this boil looking thing on your wrist?” “It is my bones… thanks for pointing that out.” So I was still facing the fact that I looked anorexic, the fact that I am really tall does not help either. I am not bothered by my tallness it is the skinniness that is what bothers me. I just look a lot skinnier than I am because of my height.

                While I was in California I gained a little weight, about 15 Lbs. I wanted to use that to my advantage and exercise turning that extra weight into muscle. But do you think that any of this worked? No it did not. After I moved back into my parent’s house I decided to make a strict work out plan. (Which I just started again today) I even went to the gym and I got some interesting looks from the jocks and meat heads in there. Ok, so I am skinny, I want to be able to protect myself if the occasion arises, sue me.

                Once I was living at home again, it is a new area, (which I looked forward to) and I still get the comment “You are really skinny.” Ok I am tired of hearing that. That is when I really decided to become more flattering in the way I dress. If the big strong arms were not going to help me get a date, maybe if I know how to dress will get me a date. Since all my friends are girls, I know girls like it when a guy knows how to dress. So I took up the expensive hobby. That is where this creature was born. I make sure my hair is cut into a specific way, my facial hair is trimmed to perfection (in my terms) and I try to be the focal point everywhere I go now. I still face the stupid comment of “You have really skinny arms” but at least I look dashing with my small arms.

                Well, it may seem that I am over the fact that I am not overly muscular. Nope, I am not. I still get depressed when I see that with all the working out I do there is little to no progression. I glanced at myself in the glass at school with the night sky behind it and saw how skinny I was. It is a confidence killer when the time comes to asking a girl out. There I stand skinner than the girl, trying to ask her out on a date. She says ‘yes’ because I am sure she feels bad for me, but nothing comes of the date.

                Remember, I know what girls are looking for; most girls want a guy who can protect them if something goes wrong. And they want to be able to feel safe in a guy’s arms. I want just a little difference to tell me it is all working! I was telling this to a friend a few months ago, and she told me there is a difference, I just can’t see it because it is slow and gradual. But I have been looking at pictures and nothing has changed much, maybe a little change, but not anything to get excited over.

To be continued….

Dr.K

(Song: Vanity. Artist: Hanover Swain)

My First Kiss

                I went on a trip to San Francisco last week for work. I was excited for the trip, I like traveling, specifically flying. We don’t live far from California so I figured the flight would have taken about, an hour, and two at the most. But our flight actually took 4 hours. On the way there we had a layover in L.A. and on the way home we had a layover in Phoenix (which is out of the way in my opinion). So I wanted to load up my iPod with things that would keep me entertained. I also took the book I was reading at the time, but do you think I could actually relax enough to watch a movie? Or even read? No, I couldn’t. On the flight to California I decided to watch a classic movie (my opinion of classic). It is called Never Been Kissed. For those of you who have not seen this movie it’s about a reporter who goes back to high school to find a good undercover story. Well, this girl was a nerd in high school, so the movie is pretty much about her trying to become popular to get a good story. Well, in the process she falls in love and writes her whole report about how she has never been kissed. As I sat there on the plane I felt a connection with this character. I too have never been kissed.

                I am 22 years old and I have never been kissed. The older I get the more embarrassing it becomes. It is not like I have not wanted to kiss any of my dates, but I just haven’t. Let me give you a few reasons why; well this is the main reason, it is because of my friends. I joke around when I meet a new person and I say “99% of my friends are girls.” I am not exaggerating when I say that. Recently the percentage has decreased, but the point is most of my friends are girls. So I hear the girl talk, I hear the stories some guys would kill to hear, and I also hear the stories guys would throw up over. So the point is, all these girls have made me self-conscious. (I know they are all angry with me at this point) The reason I blame them is because I hear what they like, what they don’t like, and what they hated about their dates (“He bought me dark hot chocolate! Who drinks dark hot chocolate!?”) These are things I laugh at, and then I tell myself that I will never do something like that to a girl I like. Those complaints also include stories when the girl went on a pity date and the guy tried to kiss them. Putting them in that situation is funny after the fact, but really awkward during the action. Do you see where I am going with this?

I am always second guessing myself, especially when it comes to asking a girl out. “Was she just being friendly or does she think I am cute? Does she want to go out with me because she feels bad about saying ‘no.’ or is she really excited to go on the date?” Then we get to the point of the date is over we had fun, she says she wants to go out again (which turns out to be a lie, she has a boyfriend but was too afraid to tell you that). Wow… I was venting for a minute there… the point is I do not want to make the first move because I don’t want to scare the girl off. So nothing ever happens because most girls want the guy to make the first move.

                Recently I have had a crush on a girl in my math class. She is also in my sociology class, but I get to talk to her more during math. I have wanted to ask her out for a while now, and I think I lost my opportunity today. We had our final and I missed the last few classes because of my trip to San Francisco, so I did not know anything I was doing. I wanted to finish before her or about the same time so I could talk to her and finally ask her out. Alas, the Gods are against me, she got done before me and I was just dust in the wind. I finished my test about an hour later. So I did not get a date and I probably failed that test. Hopefully I get another opportunity before the semester is completely over.

                As I have been thinking of ways to ask her out I have also had to think of ways to tell her, “Yes I am 22 and I have not kissed anyone.” Or I would make a game of it and ask her how many guys she has kissed, so when she asks me I can tell her zero. But is that a turn off? It must be because usually when I tell people that they either laugh or look really uncomfortable.

                It is not like all my chances to kiss someone are awkward like that. When I was a junior in high school I went to a school dance with a girl I really liked. I figured she liked me because she asked me to the dance. We had fun throughout the whole day. I had curfew at 12 so I took her home just before my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. It kind of got quiet in the car and I had just put on chap stick, so she was thinking I was going to make the move (but remember I don’t make the first move) so I said “Well I had fun, thanks for inviting me. I’ll see you Monday.” And then I let her walk to the door alone. I LET HER WALK TO THE DOOR ALONE! I. Am. An. Idiot. so there you have it. I could have joined the rest of society. But because I did not seize the opportunity to make my move, I now fit into the relationship status of elementary aged kids. (Even some of them are further along in this than I am) I am working on it! Hopefully not all my chances to ask out the Math hottie are gone. I guess since I spilled the beans, I will keep you all posted.

Dr.K

(Song: My first Kiss Artist: 3OH!3)

Everyone Wants To Be Heard

                Today was a very interesting day for me. For a while now I have been reflecting on my life and how I am stressed with classes in school, or whether I should take classes during the summer to get closer to my degree. While I have been thinking about all of this                I have also been having the time of my life; not relying on others to make me happy, having the possibility to buy all I want from Amazon (my new favorite pass time on the internet) and just loving life. Unfortunately I had to work on Saturday this week because of a business trip I took at the beginning of the week. While I was there a former employee came in and was visiting with a few of my co-workers. I have not really gotten along with this kid, but we did not fight or argue, we were civil. Earlier today, in the early afternoon I found out that this particular kid hung himself last night and they found him this morning.

                Although this he was not my favorite person for various reasons, I still have been affected by his selfish acts. He was the type of person to try and find happiness in others, or alcohol, or drugs. If he was not hanging out with the ‘in’ crowd he felt like he was an outcast. I have felt this too, but I have not lowered my standards to keep friends with people who were not important.

                I worked with this kid in the morning, most mornings during the months of January - March of this year. There was one day when he seemed a little on edge, he was moodier than normal. The next thing I know he was telling me and the other person working that he just quit and he was never coming back. I was friendly about the whole thing, but relieved because now I could go back to full time with him gone. The next day I found out he was in the hospital under suicide watch. A couple days later he was back to working at the same store. The managers wanted to help him while he was recovering.

                When he came back he was only working a few hours a week, and he was a pain in the butt. But, as the rest of us tried to get along with him, we all were friendly with him stayed civil. About two weeks ago he came into the store and quit on the spot, again, and told us he was selling all of his stuff and moving to Florida or Colorado (he has friends in both states). There was even a guy at work who drove him to the airport. This is another random thing he did in his spontaneous life. He went to Colorado, moved in with a friend, found a great paying job, and was back in Utah almost homeless two days later. The guy he moved in with stole all his money and they guy he was working for did not pay him. I am not sure how much of this story I credible, but it is the one he told us.

                The day he got back he wanted his job back in the store. Well, the managers were fed up at this point and did not hire him but offered to let him know if someone else was hiring. He seemed to be getting along well with it all though. I was working last night and he seemed like the same monotone self. When I heard the news today that he killed himself, I was not too surprised. I quickly called a few people I work with, one was bawling. I felt so bad for her. She felt somewhat responsible for the suicide. I had to tell her how great of a leader she was by being as good to him as she was. After I got off the phone with her, I started getting annoyed with this whole idea. How selfish suicide is, for a while now we have been seeing his cries for help and many people have reached out to him, taken him in, given him golden advice. But he did not listen to anyone. He still continued to fall. I know that he was taking medication for depression, but he was also on illegal drugs. I think with the amount of chemicals in his system drove him to his final action.

                I think of his poor mother and how she feels right now. She is a single mother working hard with two high school aged kids (which can be hard as it is) and now a son who committed suicide. I also think of his older sister, nephew, and two younger siblings, how they have been affected by this whole thing. My heart breaks just thinking of them all.

                I am lucky enough to not have to fight things like depression. At times I do get down and stressed out. I know this is something talked about in school, work, church and in just about every place of gathering. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. There is always someone to talk to whether it is a parent, friend, co-worker, or even a pet. I have felt comfort from my dog many times when I feel down in the dump. Who says you are weird for talking to an animal? I also think it is important to have a personal relationship with God. No one knows how to give you comfort better than Heavenly Father.

                I am sorry for the seriousness of this post I just felt I needed to talk about it. Life sucks, but you are not the only person suffering in it.

Dr.K

Let's Go Masquerading

Jersey Shore, I just have one word for this so called “reality” show, Plastic. Let’s be 100% real here, this show is ridiculous. They have 8 random people come to live in a house with strangers and they get paid to tan till they are orange, wear the skankiest clothes I’ve ever seen, and get it on with as many people they can. I’m sure when they were looking who to cast for the show, they looked for the dumbest, sluttiest, hoes out there. That also includes the guys in the house. No one watches this show other than to make fun of them or laugh at their stupidity. Now if you do watch it because of other reasons. Its fine, we can always get you a therapist. Everyone in that Jersey house needs one too.

Let’s start with “The Situation”. No one knows why they call him The Situation, the only situation I see, is him needing to go join Glozell’s triple A meetings. I mean to say, the dudes got issues. But I’m not sure that even the best of the best can help out this fella. The few episodes I’ve watched, he is a conceded jerk. He has absolutely no knowledge of what a gentleman is. His philosophy is "get it in, get it out." It’s seems like he just tries to see if he can get more girls than anyone in the house, no matter who it is; whether it’s an ex-girlfriend of his friend, even a best friend of his friend or even a current girlfriend of his friend. If she’s hot (in a pornographic way), he’ll make his move and do whatever it takes to get into bed with her. I don’t know about you but any guy that treats me like I'm just an object, I have no interest. Better yet, any guy that goes GTL (gym, tan, laundry) every morning is crossing too much on his feminine side.

Next we have Pauly D, what the freak is wrong with this guy’s hair, I’m pretty sure it could cut flesh with how much gel he has in it. They call him “DJ Pauly D” Maybe he was a DJ? I could care less, but with that name he is never EVER going to get anyone to take him seriously. But then again, the only thing he’s ever serious about is when it’s “T-SHIRT TIME” He’s more of a gentleman than “The Situation” but he’s definitely got some growing up to do. I don’t think there is any sane woman who would want to end up with a guy like that.

Now for Ronnie and Sammie, I don’t know if Ronnie has a nickname or not, let’s hope not. Basically he’s known as the man hoe, even though he had a girlfriend, I’m pretty sure he slept with every other girl in Jersey. He’s cheated on her at least twice now, so all I have to say is, like all the others in the Jersey house, he is putting on a show. Sammie says “she’s the sweetest B**** that you’ll ever meet…hmm, girl what the heck does that even mean? You’re either sweet, or vicious. Imma call you vicious. No one deserves to get cheated on, but she and Ronnie both had their issues, I say get over yourself and move on with things that matter. She decided to leave the show and then what? A month later she comes back, pretty sure that was all for dramatic effect. I don’t even want to talk about these two and their drama anymore, I feel dumb talking about them. I think I will move on now.

We have “J Wow” AKA Jenny. I think the only thing she likes about herself are her fake boobs. I swear, her clothes are so tight and short they could pass for being in her 12 year old sister’s closet. I wouldn’t be the only one not surprised. Let’s talk about her peeing wherever and whenever she wants. What is up with that? We’ll try and act naive and say that’s why she doesn’t wear underwear. Yep, let’s go with that.

Then there’s the new girl Deena. Deena and Snooki are two peas in a pod they are like twins, looks and all. I think the only difference is no one wants to “smush” Deena... I think that’s the terminology they use. Here’s the problem, she thinks being a complete whore is sexy. The only reason that she would get guys would be because she’s easy. Bless her heart I hope she knows that. I don’t have anything else to say about her other than she is completely fake.

Finally we have Snooki AKA Nicole. Where do I even start? Well, in every interview she’s in she talks about how people call her and Oompa Loompa, but she states, “When people call me an Oompa Loompa it just means I’m tan, I would rather be orange than white.” WHAT!? She. Has. Lost it. I think if I have to choose a favorite, I would go with Snooki, because everything she does is done out of stupidity, or she is drunk. She’s the one that make me laugh, every time. I think we all know that she has a drinking problem. Let’s talk about her so called “poof” (her hair style)… What is she thinking when she looks in the mirror? “Yep that looks awesome!” There is no way she can think that looks good. She has to be doing it for her own specific image. Like how Lady GaGa is always wearing some kind of art form. Snooki has an art form called a poof. Oh Snooki, what are we gonna do with you?

Alright, let’s quickly go through the strange words and terminology they use, grenade is one we hear the most. This obviously means a large woman they have no interest in, that’s hitting on them. Why anyone would hit on them? I have no idea. Then there is a grenade launcher, which means bigger and stronger version of a grenade. After that it’s a landmine, which means a skinny ugly chick. Then Guido means a male species with an unnatural orange complexion, so we could consider all the men in the house a Guido, besides Vinny. I think he’s the only one that doesn’t tan. Then we have Juicehead also known as a Gorilla, which Snooki talks about all the time. She wants to find this type of guy. Meaning a strong very cute and in shape guy, also to be known as “Fresh to Death” (be in the best shape you can be in). There is GTL and DTF I think that speaks for itself. I have no idea where they came up with these but I find it hilarious that they use these terms in public, seeing as everyone obviously knows what they mean. All I have to say is (and these are words from my younger brother every time he sees Jersey Shore propaganda) Grow a brain.

I ask myself every time this show comes up, how and why in the world is this even a show on television? Better yet, how is this show even getting enough views to stay on the air! People are stupid for supporting something this dumb. This world has gone down to the dump. Now for the good of Jersey Shore, um…um…ah…um… alright, there is no good. I’ll add that I’m sure they are nice people and are just extremely lost. Just remember we can always get you guys a therapist, or just remember there is always Glozell’s triple A meetings.

Miss T.

                I have never seen this show, but I am really annoyed that it is even popular. I think any person who watches it in a serious way, has got issues. Miss T asked who watches this show, and I think it is teenagers. Let me tell you this though, no one lives their life like this. If someone does go out and party every night and gets wasted and sleeps with as many people as possible, they will be homeless is a short amount of time, or diagnosed with some sort of disease or sexually transmitted infection.

The Situation is a guy who gives all of us other guys out there a bad name. He has been on Men’s Health magazines and other exercise material. I find this annoying because I don’t think he has done anything important to get in shape other than starve himself and take steroids. Also, I don’t get along well with conceded people, and when I was looking up pictures to post with this blog, all the pictures of The Situation were of him with his shirt off or showing his abs. That killed any liking I had for him. Then there is Snooki, I only know her because the first time I saw her she reminded me of an annoying girl I knew in high school. Also, I know her because I about died when I saw she had written a book. Who cares about these people and their boring lives? This takes me into another post which you will see at a later time. I hope you all enjoyed us having a little venting session about how lame Jersey Shore is.

Dr. K

Help I’m Alive

Fear is something we all seem to enjoy or despise. Take horror movie for example. I am the type of person who loves to feel the adrenaline rush as I watch a new scary movie. During high school people would tell me how creepy I was because I thrived on one scary movie to the next. Then I went to California, came back and I have not heard anyone call me creepy in a while until a couple days ago. I was at work and I was being dumb by holding one of the knives there like a serial killer. Then a girl said to me, “You are really creepy, you could pass as a murderer.” Well thank you for reminding me how I used to freak people out. But let’s take a second and think about ‘fear’, what is it you really are afraid of?

                For a long time I thought fear was being chased by a man carrying a chainsaw, or someone hiding in my closet, or a clown handing a child a balloon. Although those are really freaky things, especially the clown, I thought about what I really am afraid of. So I think I will tell you my fears, and explain them. Maybe you can do this too and learn some things about yourself.

                Fear #1: Guns. I have been raised around firearms. I actually own a couple and I am planning on getting my concealed weapons permit. Why am I afraid of guns you ask? Because guns kill people; now someone might say, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” But let me tell you this, too many children are coming across their parents firearms and accidentally killing a family member or friend. So was it the child that killed the person? No, the kid didn’t kill, the gun did. I know this sounds dumb, but it is the way I look at it. I have handled guns and used them. I understand the power they have, so I guess that is why I am scared of them.

                Fear #2: Water. The ocean freaks me out. The idea of swimming in an area where down below you is an entire life system, with areas that man has not yet been. Also rushing rapids, too many stories have crossed my path about a person (this person being a great swimmer) drowning because the current was too strong and it pulled them under. Water needs to be feared to an extent right?

                Fear #3: Clowns. I have not seen Stephen King’s “IT” or read the book. But the way I became afraid of clowns was from a trip to an amusement park with some friends around Halloween, and instead of a water park at that time of year, there was a few small haunted houses. We went into one and it was all clowns. Everything in that small haunted house was either crazy clowns or blood covered clowns, or clowns with knives, or clowns with chainsaws. Then that night we went back to a friend’s house and watched a reenactment of the story of John Wayne Gacy. This guy was a clown and killing young men and putting their bodies in his crawl space under his house. This is what sealed the deal. Clowns are too disturbing.

                Fear #4: Crazy People. I think this might be a common fear for people. I can’t help but be afraid of people who have literally lost their minds. My grandmother had dementia (my dad was adopted so it does not run in my family) it is just scary to come across people who are insane because you don’t know what they could do…

                Fear #5: Needles. When I went to the doctor recently I could not look at the nurse when she was taking blood. I had to imagine that my arm was numb so I would not freak out in any way.

                Fear #6: Saws. This is not too bad of a fear. Chainsaws are really freaky, especially when a psycho wants to cut your legs off with one. But this fear developed after I saw the movie Saw the first one of course. (Spoiler alert) The guy has to cut his foot off to get out of the situation. I would have just laid there and died in that disgusting bathroom rather than use a rusty saw to cut off my foot. Thus was my fear for saw’s born.

                Fear #7: Buried Alive. I have been slightly afraid of this. It is not a common thing. I saw Buried with Ryan Renolds, the whole movie takes place in a box buried in the ground. Well… now that I look at it. I am not necessarily afraid of being buried alive, but being in small spaces. I am claustrophobic so I would have died in the box within minutes. I guess we can change fear #7 to small spaces.

                Fear #8: Losing a Limb. I am too scared of machinery because of the story The Monkeys Paw. I was able to do that as a play in elementary school. We did in with puppets, but the character’s son dies because he was caught in machinery. And the only thing I could think of was this kid dying because the machine ripped off his arms! So, I have been afraid of losing a limb since the age of 10.

                Fear #9: Losing my Sight. I have to wear glasses as it is. I am almost legally blind because my eyes are so bad. But I think I would die emotionally if I lost my sight. I love colors, and I love photography. And even worse, I love to read. I’m not saying I can’t read if I lose my sight, but I would have to learn all over again. So to all those blind people out there, you are living one of my greatest fears. Congratulations for not dying because you lost your sight.

                Fear #10: Being Alone. I think this is my all-time greatest fear. Not being alone for a few hours. I actually thrive on alone time, but the idea of being alone forever. Not finding love or getting married. Living the rest of my life alone is one fear that I cannot shake off. As I have slightly mentioned in earlier posts, my family does not get a long too well, so I look forward to having a wife and a family. And I am afraid that this dream will never come to pass. I have friends, great friends. But it is not the same, I fear watching all them getting married and having families while I live my life alone.

                Now that I have been personal with you all again, I want you to know I have overcome a few of my fears. I still fear them, but it is the kind of fear out of respect that they can still hurt me. But I have overcome them. Guns, and water are two things I use but I fear. I won an award at scout camp as a young person for being the best shot in the whole camp (that’s over 1,000 boy scouts). So I can use them. And I can swim. I actually love swimming. But I know when I am tired and I should stop. Water does not give a crap if you need a break or a breather. It will consume you, so I still fear it. But I love using it.

Dr.K

Love Is Waiting

                It is quite interesting the correlations you see in your life and your favorite stories. Or maybe our minds make up the correlation because we like these stories. Would you agree? I will get back to this concept.

 When I am getting to know a person I always ask 2 questions, number 1: If you had a super hero power what would it be (flying is the most common answer by the way). Question number 2: What is your favorite Disney Princess? (For girls, favorite Disney Prince). And unfortunately I fell into the most common answer, Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I guess a half-naked girl swimming around has that effect on people. My personal opinion is because she is in the ocean, and I am fascinated by the ocean, although it too is one of my greatest fears. But recently I had to change my opinion about my favorite Princess. I was going through my Disney classics and watching the ones I have not seen in MANY years. I am not kidding when I say I have not seen them in about 10 years. Beauty and the Beast was one of these movies. It has been so long since I had seen it; all I remember is the beast turns to a man in the end. So I decided it was time to watch the classic. After watching it I was hooked. I wanted to find the original story; I wanted to read every book that was based on this story. I wanted to know everything I possibly could about Beauty and the Beast. I was looking up the original story up on the internet, and the one that came up was written by Marie Le Prince de Beaumont. I read it and fell in love with the entire story all over again. (P.S. this particular version is not much different from the Disney version)

                In my search to find every version of the story I came across a book titled Beastly by Alex Flinn. I was a little nervous about reading the book because I had recently seen a preview for the movie (based on the book) and it had Vanessa Hudgens in it and I don’t think she is that great of an actor. In-fact when I saw the preview I rolled my eyes and thought, “Not another sappy romance with a Beauty and the Beast twist to it. Sadly I did not know I would love this story shortly in the future. I continued to look for books, when I narrowed it down there were two books. Beastly by Alex Flinn, or Beauty by Robin McKinley, and since I am indeed male, I wanted to read the book from the beasts point of view. So I settled for Beastly. (I also had some persuasion from Miss T (Who is supposed to be posting blogs too, but she is not easily motivated)) I ordered the book, and two weeks later I had received the book and read it. I think this is one of the few books that I will read time and time again. So as you can tell, I decided I needed to see the movie. Also after I saw ‘I Am Number Four’ it started to sway me to seeing ‘Beastly.’ Alex Pettyfer has become one of my new favorite actors.

                After I had been waiting for a few weeks to see the movie (I did not want to look weird coming out of a chick flick alone) no one wanted to go, or couldn’t find the time. So I settled and saw it alone. I looked like an idiot to the other people in the theater (there was only 2 couples there besides me). I have to say they did a good job with some of the things. But alas, I have to say the book is by far better. Just little things that were left out that I really liked about the story. And Vanessa really was not good. If it was me I would have had Diana Agron as Lindy (that’s Beauty). But then again, Lindy is supposed to be pretty without being gorgeous, so maybe not.

                Now I think it is time for me to tie this whole thing back to my question at the beginning, does your life seem to correlate with your favorite stories? I feel like this story is slightly similar to my life. I am not a beast, I am a little conceded though, but the thing I feel correlates with my life is the concept. Falling in love with someone because of who they are, not because of how they look. Sometimes I am pressured from my family into finding someone to marry soon. (All of my siblings were married by the age of 20) I am waiting for my “Beauty” to come and love me for who I am and not let any of my deep secrets or bad habits, or physical appearance get in the way. I think that is why I love this story so much. Because the Beast found love no matter how ugly or rude he was, she found the real diamond underneath all his faults.

                Basically I think everyone who loves Beauty and the Beast should go to the library or the book store and find a copy of Beastly and read it. I am sorry I got a little sappy; it is good to speak from the heart sometimes right?

Dr. K

Love Will Keep Us Together

                I am sorry it has taken me so long to write. I have been dealing with a normal life. School projects have been very demanding, business trips get in the way, and I have been spending time with my family. Over these few weeks I have been thinking about this blog. I do hope you all find the humor in the posts, but then I hope you can see my angle on some of the things I talk about and think about it in your own personal way. After the earth quake in Japan I had to think a lot about my relationships and how import they are to me. I am a person who finds a basic relationship a very strong bond. A basic relationship is not small to me, any person I know is always a close friend to me. Even if we have said 2 words to each other, I still respect that person and cherish the connection we have.

               For a few month I have had to look at my family relationships, we have been growing apart for the dumbest reasons. “So-and-so is rude to my kids…” or “I don’t like so-and-so because they are bull-headed…” and I think to myself, how did we get this way? How did my family grow so far apart? I think of how when I was living in California I would have given my life for so many people that I met because I cherished the relationship I had with them. I guess I learned how to be a little selfless while I lived there. I am not saying I am not selfish, because I am extremely selfish, but when it comes to relationships, I try very hard to make sure the other person is more comfortable than I am.

                 Sacrifice is another thing that our world has a hard time with. After the earth quake in Japan, I heard a guy at work say that if he had the money he would go over to Japan and do humanitarian service to try and help the people there. That seems like a HUGE sacrifice to me because he would have had to give up his job, life, and just about everything to go and help people he had never met before. There are many people who have donated money to help with the clean up the aftermath, and for some people that is a large sacrifice. But in my eyes (this is just Dr. K’s opinion) giving of your time for another person is the most selfless act of service anyone in this world can give. Money is a sacrifice, but in a month you will not even think about the money you donated because you will earn more. But when you donate your time you are sacrificing your time for someone else. And you can see the work actually getting done. You can see how the donation of your time has affected this person’s life. If you want to look at this in a selfish way, you will probably gain more from the experience than the person you’re helping.

                Now, let’s tie the two concepts together. Why are we fighting with the people we love because a small annoyance, or because you have been “offended” by something they have said. What I want people to know is that we all have the ability to choose for ourselves. And each time you’re offended, it is your choice to take offence. I have a friend who is very sarcastic in all of his comments. Sometimes he can come off rude, but I remember the council I received to not take offence to anything. So, in your own personal relationships, I want you to sacrifice your feelings to keep the cherished friend or family member close to you. Because you will gain more from doing that than you can even imagine. Do not let little things get in the way of your relationships. When you die, all you will have with you is your memories and the relationships you made here. I love every person in my life. I do not live in California anymore, but I do want them all to know that their relationship with me is something I reflect on each and every day. I love all the wonderful friends I made while living there, I love them more than they think I do.

                Now that I have preached to you all about some of the issues I see in the world today, I want some input. Do you agree with what I have said? Would you add to it?

Dr. K