Let's Go Masquerading

Jersey Shore, I just have one word for this so called “reality” show, Plastic. Let’s be 100% real here, this show is ridiculous. They have 8 random people come to live in a house with strangers and they get paid to tan till they are orange, wear the skankiest clothes I’ve ever seen, and get it on with as many people they can. I’m sure when they were looking who to cast for the show, they looked for the dumbest, sluttiest, hoes out there. That also includes the guys in the house. No one watches this show other than to make fun of them or laugh at their stupidity. Now if you do watch it because of other reasons. Its fine, we can always get you a therapist. Everyone in that Jersey house needs one too.

Let’s start with “The Situation”. No one knows why they call him The Situation, the only situation I see, is him needing to go join Glozell’s triple A meetings. I mean to say, the dudes got issues. But I’m not sure that even the best of the best can help out this fella. The few episodes I’ve watched, he is a conceded jerk. He has absolutely no knowledge of what a gentleman is. His philosophy is "get it in, get it out." It’s seems like he just tries to see if he can get more girls than anyone in the house, no matter who it is; whether it’s an ex-girlfriend of his friend, even a best friend of his friend or even a current girlfriend of his friend. If she’s hot (in a pornographic way), he’ll make his move and do whatever it takes to get into bed with her. I don’t know about you but any guy that treats me like I'm just an object, I have no interest. Better yet, any guy that goes GTL (gym, tan, laundry) every morning is crossing too much on his feminine side.

Next we have Pauly D, what the freak is wrong with this guy’s hair, I’m pretty sure it could cut flesh with how much gel he has in it. They call him “DJ Pauly D” Maybe he was a DJ? I could care less, but with that name he is never EVER going to get anyone to take him seriously. But then again, the only thing he’s ever serious about is when it’s “T-SHIRT TIME” He’s more of a gentleman than “The Situation” but he’s definitely got some growing up to do. I don’t think there is any sane woman who would want to end up with a guy like that.

Now for Ronnie and Sammie, I don’t know if Ronnie has a nickname or not, let’s hope not. Basically he’s known as the man hoe, even though he had a girlfriend, I’m pretty sure he slept with every other girl in Jersey. He’s cheated on her at least twice now, so all I have to say is, like all the others in the Jersey house, he is putting on a show. Sammie says “she’s the sweetest B**** that you’ll ever meet…hmm, girl what the heck does that even mean? You’re either sweet, or vicious. Imma call you vicious. No one deserves to get cheated on, but she and Ronnie both had their issues, I say get over yourself and move on with things that matter. She decided to leave the show and then what? A month later she comes back, pretty sure that was all for dramatic effect. I don’t even want to talk about these two and their drama anymore, I feel dumb talking about them. I think I will move on now.

We have “J Wow” AKA Jenny. I think the only thing she likes about herself are her fake boobs. I swear, her clothes are so tight and short they could pass for being in her 12 year old sister’s closet. I wouldn’t be the only one not surprised. Let’s talk about her peeing wherever and whenever she wants. What is up with that? We’ll try and act naive and say that’s why she doesn’t wear underwear. Yep, let’s go with that.

Then there’s the new girl Deena. Deena and Snooki are two peas in a pod they are like twins, looks and all. I think the only difference is no one wants to “smush” Deena... I think that’s the terminology they use. Here’s the problem, she thinks being a complete whore is sexy. The only reason that she would get guys would be because she’s easy. Bless her heart I hope she knows that. I don’t have anything else to say about her other than she is completely fake.

Finally we have Snooki AKA Nicole. Where do I even start? Well, in every interview she’s in she talks about how people call her and Oompa Loompa, but she states, “When people call me an Oompa Loompa it just means I’m tan, I would rather be orange than white.” WHAT!? She. Has. Lost it. I think if I have to choose a favorite, I would go with Snooki, because everything she does is done out of stupidity, or she is drunk. She’s the one that make me laugh, every time. I think we all know that she has a drinking problem. Let’s talk about her so called “poof” (her hair style)… What is she thinking when she looks in the mirror? “Yep that looks awesome!” There is no way she can think that looks good. She has to be doing it for her own specific image. Like how Lady GaGa is always wearing some kind of art form. Snooki has an art form called a poof. Oh Snooki, what are we gonna do with you?

Alright, let’s quickly go through the strange words and terminology they use, grenade is one we hear the most. This obviously means a large woman they have no interest in, that’s hitting on them. Why anyone would hit on them? I have no idea. Then there is a grenade launcher, which means bigger and stronger version of a grenade. After that it’s a landmine, which means a skinny ugly chick. Then Guido means a male species with an unnatural orange complexion, so we could consider all the men in the house a Guido, besides Vinny. I think he’s the only one that doesn’t tan. Then we have Juicehead also known as a Gorilla, which Snooki talks about all the time. She wants to find this type of guy. Meaning a strong very cute and in shape guy, also to be known as “Fresh to Death” (be in the best shape you can be in). There is GTL and DTF I think that speaks for itself. I have no idea where they came up with these but I find it hilarious that they use these terms in public, seeing as everyone obviously knows what they mean. All I have to say is (and these are words from my younger brother every time he sees Jersey Shore propaganda) Grow a brain.

I ask myself every time this show comes up, how and why in the world is this even a show on television? Better yet, how is this show even getting enough views to stay on the air! People are stupid for supporting something this dumb. This world has gone down to the dump. Now for the good of Jersey Shore, um…um…ah…um… alright, there is no good. I’ll add that I’m sure they are nice people and are just extremely lost. Just remember we can always get you guys a therapist, or just remember there is always Glozell’s triple A meetings.

Miss T.

                I have never seen this show, but I am really annoyed that it is even popular. I think any person who watches it in a serious way, has got issues. Miss T asked who watches this show, and I think it is teenagers. Let me tell you this though, no one lives their life like this. If someone does go out and party every night and gets wasted and sleeps with as many people as possible, they will be homeless is a short amount of time, or diagnosed with some sort of disease or sexually transmitted infection.

The Situation is a guy who gives all of us other guys out there a bad name. He has been on Men’s Health magazines and other exercise material. I find this annoying because I don’t think he has done anything important to get in shape other than starve himself and take steroids. Also, I don’t get along well with conceded people, and when I was looking up pictures to post with this blog, all the pictures of The Situation were of him with his shirt off or showing his abs. That killed any liking I had for him. Then there is Snooki, I only know her because the first time I saw her she reminded me of an annoying girl I knew in high school. Also, I know her because I about died when I saw she had written a book. Who cares about these people and their boring lives? This takes me into another post which you will see at a later time. I hope you all enjoyed us having a little venting session about how lame Jersey Shore is.

Dr. K