Everyone Wants To Be Heard

                Today was a very interesting day for me. For a while now I have been reflecting on my life and how I am stressed with classes in school, or whether I should take classes during the summer to get closer to my degree. While I have been thinking about all of this                I have also been having the time of my life; not relying on others to make me happy, having the possibility to buy all I want from Amazon (my new favorite pass time on the internet) and just loving life. Unfortunately I had to work on Saturday this week because of a business trip I took at the beginning of the week. While I was there a former employee came in and was visiting with a few of my co-workers. I have not really gotten along with this kid, but we did not fight or argue, we were civil. Earlier today, in the early afternoon I found out that this particular kid hung himself last night and they found him this morning.

                Although this he was not my favorite person for various reasons, I still have been affected by his selfish acts. He was the type of person to try and find happiness in others, or alcohol, or drugs. If he was not hanging out with the ‘in’ crowd he felt like he was an outcast. I have felt this too, but I have not lowered my standards to keep friends with people who were not important.

                I worked with this kid in the morning, most mornings during the months of January - March of this year. There was one day when he seemed a little on edge, he was moodier than normal. The next thing I know he was telling me and the other person working that he just quit and he was never coming back. I was friendly about the whole thing, but relieved because now I could go back to full time with him gone. The next day I found out he was in the hospital under suicide watch. A couple days later he was back to working at the same store. The managers wanted to help him while he was recovering.

                When he came back he was only working a few hours a week, and he was a pain in the butt. But, as the rest of us tried to get along with him, we all were friendly with him stayed civil. About two weeks ago he came into the store and quit on the spot, again, and told us he was selling all of his stuff and moving to Florida or Colorado (he has friends in both states). There was even a guy at work who drove him to the airport. This is another random thing he did in his spontaneous life. He went to Colorado, moved in with a friend, found a great paying job, and was back in Utah almost homeless two days later. The guy he moved in with stole all his money and they guy he was working for did not pay him. I am not sure how much of this story I credible, but it is the one he told us.

                The day he got back he wanted his job back in the store. Well, the managers were fed up at this point and did not hire him but offered to let him know if someone else was hiring. He seemed to be getting along well with it all though. I was working last night and he seemed like the same monotone self. When I heard the news today that he killed himself, I was not too surprised. I quickly called a few people I work with, one was bawling. I felt so bad for her. She felt somewhat responsible for the suicide. I had to tell her how great of a leader she was by being as good to him as she was. After I got off the phone with her, I started getting annoyed with this whole idea. How selfish suicide is, for a while now we have been seeing his cries for help and many people have reached out to him, taken him in, given him golden advice. But he did not listen to anyone. He still continued to fall. I know that he was taking medication for depression, but he was also on illegal drugs. I think with the amount of chemicals in his system drove him to his final action.

                I think of his poor mother and how she feels right now. She is a single mother working hard with two high school aged kids (which can be hard as it is) and now a son who committed suicide. I also think of his older sister, nephew, and two younger siblings, how they have been affected by this whole thing. My heart breaks just thinking of them all.

                I am lucky enough to not have to fight things like depression. At times I do get down and stressed out. I know this is something talked about in school, work, church and in just about every place of gathering. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. There is always someone to talk to whether it is a parent, friend, co-worker, or even a pet. I have felt comfort from my dog many times when I feel down in the dump. Who says you are weird for talking to an animal? I also think it is important to have a personal relationship with God. No one knows how to give you comfort better than Heavenly Father.

                I am sorry for the seriousness of this post I just felt I needed to talk about it. Life sucks, but you are not the only person suffering in it.

Dr.K